Disease
by Larene.Howard
Summary: Similar to Stephenie Meyer's Host, but also extremely different. In this version, a disease is changing humanity. The story follows a family of girls as they discover love and overcome obstacles.
1. Prologue

How many years of childhood can pass without incident? Two? Five? Ten? What can be perceived as an incident? Does it have to be an extremely horrendous experience? Or can it be an extremely wonderful occurrence? If one was to look up incident in a thesaurus these synonyms would be listed: event, occurrence, occasion, happening, episode, thing, confrontation. Not in one place is it stated that an incident necessarily means an unpleasant incident.

So then why does a person associate pleasant incidents as something else entirely? Perhaps, it is because the concept, that the same word can be used for the day Cindy was first introduced to Kaylin and the day my father found a black ink-drop scar on my collarbone, is simply too difficult to comprehend. I myself have a difficult time wrapping my mind around the notion, although it is a simple thing.

Childhood can not pass without daily incident, for when you are a child everything is an incident. Each time you meet a friend it is an enchanting incident, every fall is a painful incident and all your frightening nightmares are terrible incidents that mom must kiss away with that special magic mothers have. Children rarely know or see how altering each occurrence is, and are ignorant of the effect those terrible and wonderful incidents have upon them. As adults, people look back and can see how entirely they were shaped by each incident that occurred.

As a person somewhere between childhood and adulthood, watching little ink-drop scars appear on my friend's collarbones, I have no time to think of such things. Yet I still can not help but wonder how the horrible incident of my scar appearing can share a term with the joyous incident of discovering that neither I nor my friends had actually contracted the disease.


	2. Chapter 1

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just wanted to say that although the wonderful Madam Meyer used the name Jasper, I'm using it too. This story has been in my head since before I read Host, and then molded a bit later into a similar story. I had never really meant it as fanfic, but here it is. I hope you really love it.

"I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them."—Jane Austen

**Chapter one:**

**The start, end, beginning, and retelling of my story.**

"Tell me story!" Emma yelled as she sat in my lap. I didn't have to ask what story the three year old was referring to, I already knew. Her favorite story was the true one, the story of our past. I had told the story so many times to her now that I could recite the tale by heart, barely altering a word or phrase.

"They say it takes a village to raise a child; I'm not so sure how absolute that statement is, but in our case it was true. It started our parents; they bought a two story, white house, with a decent lawn, that was right across the street from a small park. It was their dream house, and was soon followed by the announcement that mom was pregnant with little me.

About two years later, when I was only a month old, a woman and her husband moved into the pale yellow house on our right. The woman was about eight months pregnant with their first child, a girl they named Kaylin-also know as Lin-when she was born.

Three and a half months after Kaylin was born another family moved into the faintly green house on our left. The family was small, a young couple and their five month old child. The baby was a young girl they called Cindy.

We were all roughly the same age, completely different, and yet we fit together like pieces of a puzzle. From the first time we met on the park play structure there was a connection that has still yet to leave us.

Our parents liked each other, and since we became close quickly they took advantage of the situation. We each spent as much time at each others homes as we did our own. Taking turns sleeping over and playing at each other's house. We even used to pick which house we would eat dinner at.

You see, our mothers were the kind of women who knew what they wanted to cook the night before they cooked it, so we would pick which one we thought sounded the best. We always picked at lunch.

We would sit at the table in the park across the street and eat pb&j, Kaylin had a classic pb&j with creamy peanut butter, grape jelly, and a single cut making it into two rectangles. My pb&j had creamy peanut butter, raspberry jam, and was cut into four triangles. Cindy had crunchy with no jelly, hers wasn't cut. While we ate, we would decide whose house we would eat dinner at." I hadn't even finished the story when she was asleep in my arms, her quiet breathing keeping my voice in rhythm. I would finish the story for her another time.

That seemed so long ago, so distant from now. Now wasn't at the park, or in our neighborhood. Now definitely wasn't at our picnic bench.

Now was when we were sixteen, and sleeping on the hard ground in the clearing. Now was when it was just us, and my three siblings, no parents. Now was when we were outcasts. Now was when I was no longer being raised by a village, I was raising a village.

Everything had changed that fateful day, when the news headline announced a new disease spreading. I could remember the sound of the woman's voice as she made the announcement. I could even remember how she kept playing with her falsely blonde hair.

According to the news, doctors were unable to determine how the disease was spread or the cause. The news announced the symptoms only days later, while announcing that the number of cases reported was growing exponentially. The symptoms were a blackened raised vein spreading from your collar bone to the back of your neck. The vein grew from a tiny blotch on your collarbone that resembled an ink stain.

As the vein grew over the course of six days your personality changed, your eyes blackened over. The personality changes were what caused fear and panic. Everyone who became ill adopted the same personality; they started to wear the same black clothes and the same hairstyles. The diseased talked monotone, and never exchanged greetings or goodbyes. People became afraid of their uniformity.

As time progressed more and more people became infected, the disease that was once looked upon as rare, an anomaly, was now viewed as an epidemic. There were more diseased than healthy.

My mother contracted the disease, changing before our eyes. We expected we would become ill soon. Cindy's mother and father both became ill, so did Lin's parents. We became afraid, the diseased were so frightening. The diseased never said a thing you could not expect, and none seemed to be unique in any way.

When we awoke and found the black in blotches upon our skin we cried, knowing we were doomed. Day passed, weeks, the vein never grew. It appeared as though my father, Cindy, Lin, my siblings, and I all fell under the same category. We were immune.

From the start of the epidemic there were people who were immune, who would be marked by the ink blot scar and nothing else. These people were young, all under seventeen until my father. No one knew what made them immune; no one knew why they were young. No one ever will. All immunes are hunted now, we are universally hated. Hatred for us is the only true emotion the diseased appear to have.

The clearing we were staying in now was simply a small meadow, one we had visited before. The redwood trees stretched high into the sky in an oval around us, leaving an ellipse opening to the sky. We slept on blankets and comforters we carried in the few packs not designated for food. Food and supplies were why we were away from our make-shift home.

This was a routine, stealing food and supplies. At first it felt wrong, now it was survival. In two years we had perfected the art of breaking into loosely guarded stores and shops, stealing what we needed. Food, clothing, toiletries, survival gear, first aide supplies, even recreation items, they were all our targets. Our "sneaks" as we started to call them became less frequent as we became stocked on items. The only supplies we regularly had to replenish the stock of were food and first aide.

I placed my sister Emma on the comforter we had laid out for her, covering her with her favorite purple blanket. We were lucky that there was grass beneath us, hard ground was uncomfortable to sleep on as we discovered early on.

I turned to Lin and Cindy, who were laughing over the fire.

"No, Tommy totally had a thing for you!" Lin giggled.

"Tommy had a thing for every girl with a pulse!" Cindy laughed. She was right Tommy, a boy from our childhood, had been the fourteen year old version of a man-whore.

"We should probably leave soon Cindy." I told her. Only Cindy and I would "sneak" tonight. Lin preferred to stay with the kids, but these past few months we hadn't had much of a choice.

Arthur was thirteen, Katie was twelve, and Emma was three. They were responsible kids and the older two had no trouble looking after Emma. We used to leave them at the cave when we went "sneaking", they were able to handle themselves for a few days on their own. These past few months we had not allowed them to stay though, and unfortunately were forced to drag them with us. In these barely protected clearings we would never leave them unprotected, therefore Lin stayed with them.

"Fine by me." Cindy answered, sounding eager.

I turned to where Arthur and Katie should have been sleeping, instead they were chatting. I already knew the fight we were about to have, Katie didn't often realize that she was only twelve years old.

"Katie, Arthur, bed. Now." I was really getting sick of having this same argument.

"I don't see why we can't come with you." Katie fought. Arthur simply kept quiet, knowing the argument was useless.

"It is out of the question. Neither of you have a clue how to 'sneak'." It was the same script each time, she wanted to come, badly, and I wanted to avoid having her come, badly.

"Neither did you at first, but you learned. We have to learn too." Katie insisted, her voice rising. Couldn't she come up with a new argument so I could use some new replies?

"We were older than you when we started." My voice was still calm.

"Not much."

"Two years." She started to argue again but I cut her off. "Go to bed Katie. I don't want to fight anymore. When Arthur is fourteen we'll take him, then we'll take you when you're old enough. That's the end of this conversation."

"Fine." She grumbled and walked away, followed by Arthur who shot me an apologetic half smile.

I turned to Cindy, who was sharpening the blade she kept in a strap around her thigh. I patted her back in a sign that it was time to go.

The kids fell asleep quickly, and when I turned back to check on them they were out cold. I could hear Arthur's snoring, Katie's faint mumbling, and the soft breaths of three year old Emma. It was strange how my hearing had sensitized to these noises, to so many noises.

"We'll be back sometime in the morning." I said to Lin.

"Don't shoot us this time, please?" Cindy said mockingly to Lin. We all chuckled; Cindy had been saying this ever since Lin nearly blew our heads off a year and a half ago. At first Linn used to get upset and make smug comments back, but now she just used her normal reply.

"I'll try, " she answered sarcastically. I started walking, Cindy followed. It was still slightly strange, leading, even after all this time.

If I hadn't taken lead we would be in a much different place now. If Cindy had taken lead, like she normally had, we would have been killed a long time ago, she likes to push limits. If Kaylin had taken lead we would have never left home and been killed, she isn't very daring, although she can be quite scary when she wants to be. So I took over, it was unexpected, but thanks to it, we're alive.

"Bye Lin," I said as I pecked her cheek.

The sunset was barely noticeable on the horizon; the faint coral faded into the darkening sky to the point were you would hardly even be aware of its presence if you had not been looking.

I had gotten used to it, the stealing to survive, the hiding, the pack at my side; even the feel of the guns at my hips, the knife strapped to my leg, my bow on my back, even those feelings had become to feel normal, not natural, but normal.

The cool night air felt wonderful against our skin as we ran. Our normal "sneak" clothing was still wet from washing them in the creek, so we had chosen to wear our v-cut sleeveless black shirts and our black pants. The shirt was fine, but the pants were unbearably hot, we usually wore them only in the winter.

Cindy was a faster runner than me, she had always been, but we had many nights of practice behind us, and our pace was even. She would slow down slightly, and I would speed up slightly. It was hard, and my body often ached after our runs, but as time has passed my body had become more conditioned, and I had become more tolerant, so the ache wasn't nearly as bad as it had been in the beginning.

I watched her out of the corner of my eye. She ran with such ease, an ease that I still envied. Her long legs gracefully loped with such force, and yet they looked gentle. Her breathing was even through the run; her breathing was another sound I had become sensitized to. Her shoulder length naturally blonde, straight, hair blew in the wind. It is hard to believe that she was now significantly taller than me.

We had always been the same height. The same natural body build, although my body had been softer where hers had been more sporty and defined. In the past two years she had shot up though, she now stood at five foot six, while I still stood at five foot two. I was the shortest of the group, Lin was the tallest, and she stood at five foot eight.

The run was shorter than most of our runs, we had chosen a closer place as our last "sneak" of the trip. The store was somewhat small, but it wasn't too small. It would have what we needed without drawing to much attention to a break in like a large store would.

We had been watching it for the past few days; we knew exactly when the employees left, what time the owner would drive away at. We even knew what times there was the least traffic on the nearby highway.

We knew far more than enough information, but that was my style of planning. I overdid it, and I knew it. But being over-prepared wasn't a terrible thing, maybe a slight hassle at times, but it kept us alive.

Cindy was good at picking locks, and the glass door's lock opened easily. The inside of the store was just how we knew it would be. It had five aisles, two exits, one unisex bathroom, a checkout counter on the far wall, and five large windows. Cindy stood guard as I started stuffing necessities into my bag, we needed to hurry, even though the run was shorter than most it had take us nearly an hour and a half. When my bag was full I pulled the gun from my right hip out of the leather hilt and stood guard while she began filling.

Along with the rest of the food we had stolen on previous stops, we had plenty of food to last us a while. The storage area wouldn't be full, but it'll be full enough.

The moment we were out of the store we started the run back, careful to make sure no one was following us. The ground felt nice underneath our feet, the comfort and safety of returning home brightened our outlook. We ran for nearly ten minutes when I heard a noise from the forest around us. I stopped dead in my tracks.

Cindy had also heard the noise, and stopped also. She pulled the pistols from their straps on her thigh, pointing them to the forest. I pulled the bow from my back and strung and arrow, I was just as deadly with a bow as with a gun. Cindy and I were so synced I thought I could hear her heart beating next to me, and I knew that the same thing was running through our heads. We were both terrified that it was them.

"Whoa, put down the weapons," a man, whose voice I did not recognize, called from the bushes.

Three teenage boys came out from behind the trees. The boys were obviously related, all with similar features and heights, but I couldn't distinguish their individual features due to the distance and darkness. One of them stepped forward and attempted to lower Cindy's weapons.

The close proximity triggered the instincts we had ingrained into our heads these past months and years. She turned to shoot him and to my surprise he managed to grab hold of both the guns and knock them to his brothers. He expected the rest to be easy but Cindy kicked him away hard, sending him to the ground.

Without her guns we were rather outnumbered, although I could kill them easily with my bow. At the thought my hands twitched to my bow, but I didn't want to kill people, not unless I was positive of the necessity.

"Run!" I called to her. She took off fast and I knew she had a better chance at escaping than I did. Cindy was so quick when needed, when there was nothing to slow her down. I ran off behind her and saw that the same boy who had taken the guns from her hands was chasing after her. He was fast too, and I feared for the first time that someone might actually catch her.

One of the other boys tackled me at the waist, pulling me to the ground. He probably judged from my small stature that I was easy prey. I wasn't. I turned and stabbed him in the arm with the arrow that had still been in my hand even though the bow had been knocked from my grip. He deflected it just right and I barely broke skin. He moaned in pain but managed to throw the arrow from my hand.

I wasn't the best fighter of the group, hand-to-hand was my worst, but I could use my size to an advantage. I could tell he was still underestimating me, giving me one more chance. I used the weight he was pinning me down with to flip him over, but he was quicker than I expected and pulled the knife from my thigh.

"I don't want to hurt you," he coaxed. The knife was at my throat though, a disconcerting fact that seemed to contradict his words. His voice, it calmed me. It was an unexplainable sensation, how I suddenly believed him. The sensation was unsettling.

"As you hold a knife to my jugular," I hissed. My words had the desired effect; he placed the knife in his back belt loop. Right then I elbowed him hard in the ribs, injuring myself in the process, but it allowed me to break free. My freedom was short lived. He quickly grabbed me from behind and held me to his chest. Once again I had to force myself to feel fear, his touch was even soothing. I tried to shake the clouds out of my head; I needed to think my way out of this.

"If I let go are you going to run again? Or will you please hear us out? I promise we won't hurt you." I stopped thrashing, deciding to follow the instincts that had never betrayed me before.

"I won't run." He exhaled in relief, releasing his grip on me and stepping back to give me space.

The other two guys came from behind a tree, carrying thrashing and screaming Cindy. She kicked up when the one who had run after her moved to take the knife from her thigh, hitting him directly in the jaw and causing him to fall to the ground unconscious. I turned to my pursuer, the same one who had promised they wouldn't harm us.

"Put her down," he told the boy struggling to grab ahold of Cindy again. I was thankful he was following through with his promise. "Why is it always Aidan who gets knocked out?" He asked the other boy.

"Because he usually has it coming. What was he thinking, taking her knife?" The other man commented, laughing.

"My name is Ian," the man who had held Cindy—the still conscious one—introduced himself. "And the idiot out cold is Aidan."

"My name is Jasper," my pursuer informed us. Jasper was close enough that I could make out his features. He had shaggy light brown hair, a muscular build, and a squared off jaw. His cheekbones were visible, his skin was tan, although I couldn't make out its exact hue in the dark, and he was at least six foot four—I could tell because my uncle had been that height and he was about the same angle from my head. My heart picked up pace. His eyes, they were light, even in the dark I could make out their crystal clear blue. They almost seemed to shine in the night.

"What the hell!" Cindy hissed in my ear.

"There's something about Jasper, I trust him." I couldn't explain it, maybe it was the sincerity in his voice or the look in his eyes. Maybe it was both. Maybe it was something else entirely. Whatever it was, it made me trust him.

Cindy looked at me. She was confused, hesitant. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." That was all she needed, she trusted my judgment more than I did myself, irrefutably. However, she was still weary of the men.

I looked at them, they were most definitely brothers. They shared the same hair color, although they kept it in different styles. Aidan kept his slightly longer than Jasper's and Ian had his buzz cut short. They all had the same visible cheekbones and the same facial structure. The only thing extremely different was the eye color, as I could note when Aidan groggily opened his eyes. Where Jasper had ice blue eyes his brothers had eyes of honey hazel.

Jasper was obviously the oldest and the leader. Aidan was the youngest. He looked about seventeen and the other boys seemed to only be separated by a year each.

They pulled Aidan to his feet; he looked as though he was suffering vertigo. Cindy was grinning at that, I nudged her to keep her from laughing. Aidan shook his head as though to clear it.

"Damn, did she knock me out?" He asked.

"Yep," Ian choked back laughs as he answered.

"I see the fighting stopped. Does that have anything to do with amazing me losing consciousness?"

"Yes, we immediately called it truce so as to nurse you back to health. The blonde even insisted on apologizing as soon as you woke up." Ian scoffed.

"To set the record straight 'the blonde' only wants to apologize for not hitting the idiot harder." Cindy's sarcasm was a bad sign; if they pissed her off too much they might regret it. Cindy was only steps from the guys, and could be quite violent at times.

"You can hit me again if you want. It would be kind of kinky." Aidan winked at her; my stomach would have lurched if I hadn't seen the intense humor in his eyes.

Cindy made a quick motion with her arm I didn't catch and then walked towards him with an intimidating swagger in her step. Behind her back she held one of my arrows. She leaned in close to him as though to whisper in his ear or kiss him, but instead she held the arrow point to his throat.

"Is this kinky enough for you?" Her voice was low and dangerous.

Before he could answer she smacked him hard across the head with the shaft of the arrow and sent him staggering back speechless. Although I would never say it aloud, Aidan was lucky to still have a head.

"Hit him all you want, it won't do a thing," Ian mused, seeming untroubled by the red mark across the side of Aidan's face. "We've been trying to knock some sense into him for years. He has a tendency of speaking without thinking."

"Talking is simple, why would I need to think about it?" Aidan laughed.

"See what I mean? The boy can walk and talk but not think and talk. Just ignore him; he's only a quarter of the ass he makes himself out to be." I could almost laugh out loud, Ian and Aidan sounded just like Cindy and Lin.

"Maybe from now on when I introduce myself I'll just say: Hi, I'm Aidan and I'm only a quarter of the ass I appear to be."

"Aidan, remember that not thinking while talking thing?"

"Yes."

"You're doing it again."

"Will you two just can it?" Cindy bellowed in frustration at the arguing boys.

"Will you join us?" Jasper said suddenly amongst the impending fight.

"Huh?" I answered.

"You know, will you join our little rebel group?" His attempted joke fell flat against his obvious nerves.

"You want us to join a group with those imbeciles in it?" Cindy pointed to Aidan and Ian. She spoke as though his question was an insult to our intelligence.

"They may be idiots, but they're harmless," he assured her. I couldn't be sure, but I thought Cindy mumbled something along the lines of "sure they are."

I turned to Cindy, and all I found was annoyance in her posture and stance. When she finally calmed down she would probably be able to admit that Jasper was right, the guys did seem harmless. Quite frankly Cindy had no place to judge their bickering. I decided to answer the question in the only way I could.

"No,"—Jasper's face dropped— "but you can join us." Ian rolled his eyes; I ignored it. Jasper smiled and nodded, I wondered if he was speechless.

I grabbed my bow from the ground. Cindy and I led the way, we only walked, not wanting to give them the idea that we were running away. Cindy and I walked far enough ahead so that we could whisper without them hearing.

"Aidan is the only one fast enough to catch me, if something goes wrong, I'll knock him out and run." I looked at her incredulously. "You said you trusted Jasper, you never said you trusted the other two." She reminded me.

"I never said I didn't trust them." She relaxed slightly. "Nothing about them worries me."

"Elle, I trust your judgment one hundred percent, we both know what happened last time I didn't,"—we both flinched—"I'm not going to be stupid though, I'm keeping a close eye on them."

"Okay." I could deal with that. I had no problem with being safe and thorough.

"But if you decide that you don't trust them, I call dibs on shooting Mr. and Mrs. Bicker."

"Stop that!" I stifled my laughter, but the guys caught the tone of our conversation and stepped forward so they could join in.

"What is she stopping?" Aidan asked.

"I'm telling her to stop planning murder!" I laughed.

"Ah, the beauty that is manslaughter. What is the current plan?" He was being extremely sarcastic and I started laughing so hard Cindy answered.

"Well currently the plan is to steal our guns back and shoot you right in the forehead." She touched her pointer finger to the spot just below his hairline. "Then we're going to just leave your body for the coyotes to rip apart and eat your guts as you rot."

"Well, that's disappointing. I was hoping for some torture and limb removal before cold death overcame us." We all started laughing except for Ian.

"Yes, that fact that you want to kill us is _so_ funny," he muttered.

"Oh go fall off a bridge. Actually, I'll be willing to push you off if you want," Cindy countered.

"I'll help," Aidan said before being swiftly elbowed by Jasper.

"So where are we going anyway?" Ian was aggravated, most likely because of the death threats.

"Panties in a bunch? We're just going to our camp." Cindy wasn't in a good mood either.

"That's so very descriptive," he muttered, thankfully Cindy didn't hear him. He reached into his bag and grabbed out a granola bar. I looked over at the guys, they each had a backpack and a bag at their hip filled with food. I almost wanted to sigh; it was so sickening that this world had forced all of us to become thieves.

We slowed our pace so that we were slightly closer to the guys. Jasper silently came to my side. Cindy watched him carefully. It didn't worry me though, he was smiling slightly, and I couldn't feel any danger emitting from him.

"I realize that you haven't introduced yourselves, so can I ask what your names are?" Jasper asked, the question was aimed at both of us, but he looked at me while he spoke.

"Cindy," she said confidently, he looked up at her for a second and then his gaze returned to me.

"My name is Elle." I held out my hand and he shook it while the smile across his face grew. His hand felt warm and safe. My skin tingled were he had touched after he let go.

I realized that Jasper still had my knife in his belt, but it didn't bother me; I had another one tucked in my boot. Plus, it seemed to rest well at his side.

After Jasper had left to quickly discuss something with Ian, Cindy turned to whisper in my ear. Before she spoke I already didn't want to hear it. I knew that familiar gleam in her eyes. That glint was the same glint she always had before she got people into trouble; not just normal trouble, alarm ringing, running away screaming, skinny dipping in the cute neighbor's pool trouble.

"I think we should do something…"

"No." I ended the conversation quickly, before she could suggest something frighteningly horrible.

"Just listen to me!" That was even worse; she hardly ever used that sentence.

"Definitely not. The last time you had that look in you eyes we ended up running out of building that was catching fire. And the last time you told me to _'just listen to you'_ I was thirteen and my bra ended up hanging in the principal's office!"

"You are such a spoil sport! The fire was a month ago and the bra thing was a complete accident!" She huffed in conclusion to the conversation.

I looked up at the sky and sighed, it was almost sunrise. I silently informed Cindy of a possible change in pace and turned to Jasper, who, to my surprise, was at my side again.

"Do you guys mind running?" I asked, he turned slightly and looked at his brothers. They nodded, he turned back to me.

"Of course not," he said, his tone of voice made me wonder if he would object to anything we proposed. I was used to that behavior when I was with Cindy, guys seemed to offer up arms and legs just to watch her long and sculpted legs walk by.

"Good, we have a deadline." He looked at me in confusion, but I started running. Cindy was correct about not being stupid, I wasn't going to tell them about Lin or the kids until we got closer.

The guys kept pace with us, not nearly as well as we kept pace with each other, but still well. Jasper ran at my side, occasionally I would turn and find him looking at me. I would look away quickly, but I could still feel his gaze on me. I slowly began to worry if I was missing something; did I have something on my face?

Ian kept slightly behind us; I could tell it was done purposely. It felt nice to have someone watching our backs. I doubted Cindy felt the same. I could tell by the way she kept turning to look at him that she didn't like turning her back to him.

Aidan ran on Cindy's side. Running was as effortless for him as Cindy. He didn't notice that I was watching him, not in an infatuated way, but I was watching how he watched Cindy. Even as a child Cindy was watched, and if she wasn't in the spotlight, she put herself in it.

Aidan was taking in her full five feet six inches, her shoulder length naturally blonde hair with its silver tint that shone in the moonlight, her elegant form. She was slender, sporty and fit, with toned arms and legs. He didn't stare at her inappropriately-though he did glance at her breasts and the curve of her waist—he mostly looked at her face.

She noticed his attention but kept her eyes forward, she wasn't ignoring him; she was fighting back her urge to flirt. He wasn't aware of that, but I was. I knew her well enough to know that the slightly exasperated look and the flush in her cheeks were not from the run, although mine was.

I noticed something about the formation of us all.

They were protecting us from the sides and the rear like bodyguards, while still letting us lead. I liked the feel of it, being protected. I think what I liked most was how they let us lead, how they gave us space and kept pace to us.

They weren't pushy, or territorial of us, they didn't stand a bit too close. Differences that felt reassuring, but not as reassuring as the difference in the way they looked at us. They didn't look at us hungrily, they didn't stare too long for comfort, and when they would stare it was sweetly, as if in awe.

Jasper was still at my side, only about three feet away. He was smiling at me. I smiled back and his grin grew, his white teeth shone in the brightening light. The expression touched my soul in a strange way.

Cindy whispered quietly to me, so quietly the guys couldn't hear no mater how close they leaned in. "I think we should call dibs."

"Huh?"

"On the guys, that way we don't fight later," she said. I stared back at her with my mouth wide open.

"What?!"

"I call dibs on Mr. Bicker." I looked quickly at Ian and Aidan from the corner of my eye.

"Which one is Mr. Bicker?"

"The cute smart-ass one." I rolled my eyes; that was _so _descriptive. "The one who doesn't drive me up a wall."

Ah, so she had a crush on Aidan. That struck me as almost strange; of the many guys who used to trail after her in Junior High she only returned the sentiments of one or two. In truth, although she was one of the biggest flirts, Cindy had only dated a few guys and nothing was ever really serious, we had been young.

"You should call dibs on Jasper, he's very reasonable, just your type. We can leave ol' panties in a bunch there for Lin." She pointed her thumb at Ian.

So I wasn't crazy, there was obviously something happening with me and Jasper. Maybe I was crazy; judging me against Cindy wasn't a very accurate measurement of sanity.

"Dibs" I whispered.

I looked at the sky, it was early morning and the sun was rising. We would make it back soon. We were entering the forest, normally we would have kept running, but I needed time to explain a few things to the guys.

Cindy slowed down immediately as I did, the guys did the same, a confused look crossing their faces. Cindy and I made eye contact, she knew what I was about to do. The guys noticed our silent exchange and awaited an answer to their forming question.

I took a deep breath and said the words I'd been thinking over since we started running. "There is something you should be aware of." They looked at me with curiosity and apprehension. "There are four other members of our group." Their eyes lit up, but I could see that Jasper looked a little worried. "Lin, Katie, Arthur"—Jasper's face fell slightly at the possessive tone in my voice— "and Emma."

"They might freak out a little when they meet you, so I thought it would be safer to warn you." About then we heard it, the snap of the string from a bow.

Cindy didn't even flinch; it wasn't aimed at her or me. I was shoved to the ground by Jasper and Cindy was pulled down by Aidan. The ground was hard as we slammed against it unexpectedly.

The arrow hit a tree inches away from where Jasper's head had been.

"Are you all right?" Jasper whispered in my ear. I was pressed against his body and he had my head tucked down. I had to organize the thoughts in my head; they were jumbled in my mind by the pressure of his body against mine.

"I'm fine. You're lucky she doesn't have very good aim with a bow." I struggled a little to get out of his grasp before he let go and offered his hand to help me up.

His hand was warm, and my skin felt hot, his touch did strange things to my mind and my body. I knew I was probably blushing He let go when I was on my feet.

Ian was reaching for Cindy's guns—he had yet to return them—but I put my hand on his forearm to stop him. He almost flinched away from my touch, not in a disgusted way but simply in a reflex.

"I told you not to shoot us!" Cindy yelled into the trees where the arrow had emerged from. A small rock hit the side of her head and she started mumbling some foul language under her breath and a few things about murdering Lin.

Lin emerged from the trees with a gun in each hand. The guns were pointed at Jasper and Aidan, which worried me. Her aim may not be the best with a bow, but it was deadly with a gun. On a slightly brighter note, at least she wasn't nearly as trigger happy as Cindy.

Even with the murderous gaze on her face she looked beautiful in the lightening sky. She was tall, at least five foot eight, she had short auburn hair and a curve filled body. I almost gigged when I saw that Ian, too, had noticed how beautiful her brown eyes reflected off her light complexion. He was foolishly staring with his jaw on the floor.

"This is Lin," I told the guys. I motioned for her to put down the guns. "They're fine."

She slowly put the weapons down and looked at me confused. She walked over to my side and looked at Cindy; Cindy simply looked back over at her and nodded. Our silent exchanges were almost choreographed by now, and we did not need words to give reassurance. We did need words for explanations on the other hand.

"I'll explain when we get back to the clearing," I told her.

"Sometimes I wonder if we should dye your hair blonde," Cindy commented to Lin.

"Really?" Lin asked in an expectant tone.

"Yes, really. If you were going to shoot at us you should have at least made it worth the effort by actually hitting one of them."

As we walked the short distance I noticed that Jasper was walking farther away from me and that he looked slightly upset. I wondered if he was getting tired of almost getting killed, or, and I giggled at the thought, what if he was worried that Arthur was my boyfriend or something? If so then he's in for a shock.

"Are the kids asleep?" I said softly to Lin. The guys looked at me and Lin with burning curiosity, I wasn't sure but I could have sworn I saw a look of hope cross each of their eyes.

"No, Emma woke everyone up about half an hour ago," Lin sighed. I giggled.

"At least the terrible threes are almost over," I muttered. I received more confused glances.

As we stepped into the clearing Emma ran over to me and jumped into my arms. Her tiny limbs wrapping around my neck in a sincere hug.

"Elly," she said as she touched my nose. I kissed her fingers as Jasper watched with a sweet smile on his face.

Katie let out a gasp as she saw the guys, Arthur moved so that he was in front of her. I tried to reassure them with my eyes, but they didn't get the message. They both looked torn between fury and terror, as though they couldn't decide which emotion to experience solely.

"This is Katie, she's twelve; Arthur, he's thirteen; and this is Emma, she's almost four." I motioned to each of the children. The guys smiled widely with relief, I think they were all relieved to find out that that only other man in the group was thirteen.

"Hello, I'm Jasper, this is Ian, and this is Aidan." He motioned to each of them. His voice was soft and kind when he spoke. Emma waved at him and he lowered his face down to her level and waved back. She giggled and so did I.

Emma reached her hand out to him and he shook it. Cindy and Lin were tense at my side but I barely noticed. Strangely, I was positive he would not harm her.

"Is she your sister?" Jasper asked, looking away from Emma and at me.

"Yes she is!" I said as I snuggled noses with her.

"Elle, I think we need to talk," Lin said flatly, looking from Jasper to me and back again.

I put Emma down and walked over to the other side of the clearing with the girls. Arthur stood by Emma protectively as she proceeded to walk over and poke at Aidan, who laughed and played peek-a-boo with her.

"What the hell?!" Lin said in a hushed tone.

"We met them on our way back," Cindy said flatly.

"I repeat the question! What the hell?!" Lin hissed. Cindy pointed in my direction.

"Basically, they attacked us and then we attacked them. Then we stopped because they promised us they wouldn't harm us. Something about Jasper makes me want to trust him. They seem nice, and I have a good feeling about this. The end." Lin stared at me blankly when I finished. I should have given her more details, but Cindy would fill her in on anything I left out.

"You're sure?" She said. "It's up to you, but in my opinion it feels like history is repeating itself." Cindy flinched slightly; I shot a warning glance at Lin.

"Look at them, look at how they act around the kids,"—I motioned towards them, Ian and Aidan were playing with Emma and Katie while Arthur watched, Jasper had his head inclined in our direction, he was listening—"you can't tell me that's a repeat of history. They're different, trust me."

She nodded and watched them some more, Jasper was now playing with Emma's pigtails. It was cute, how they played with the kids. Ian was talking to Arthur and Aidan was talking to Katie.

"I don't like this," Lin added as she glared at the boys while they weren't looking.

"We'll be smart, keep an eye on them," I said reassuringly.

"And we'll definitely not let them do lookout alone," Cindy added flatly.

I considered telling her it was unnecessary, that they would never hurt us. But I had nothing to prove that other than intuition. If the kids weren't with us it would be different, if we didn't have previous experience with male newcomers it would also be different. We did have the kids though, and Cindy and I were still scarred.

Jasper was watching us, his expression slightly disappointed. He was still listening. I almost wanted to look at him and apologize for our mistrust, explain why we were so weary.

"We'll keep the same lookout schedule as normal. That way they are never on duty alone," I said, looking away from Jasper and towards Cindy. She nodded her head in approval and so did Lin.

"Did the kids sleep much?" Cindy turned and asked Lin.

"No, they woke up shortly after you left and were up for most of the night. They're exhausted, the only reason Emma woke up was because she had another bad dream." Lin said before she yawned for dramatic effect.

The kids did look tired. Katie was zoning out more than normal, Arthur was a zombie, and Emma was falling asleep against Jasper's leg, seated on his foot. "Sleep by day travel by night?" I suggested.

"Works," they both said in unison.

I walked over and towards the Katie and Arthur. "Bed, you're falling asleep standing." They shuffled away as I turned to grab Emma.

"Where do you want her?" Jasper said from behind me. I turned around and saw Emma asleep in his arms, and Cindy glaring at him with her "I'm going to shoot him" look.

"You can set her down over on the blanket." I pointed to the brown comforter in the center of the clearing. I walked behind him as he walked over and set her down gently.

Sleeping, she looked like a portrait. She had the same curls as me, but hers were golden blonde like my mother's hair had been. We both had the same green eyes, whereas Katie and Arthur both shared our dad's chocolate eyes. Closed eyes and rosy cheeks, she was angelic in rest.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: I know my chapters are really long, sorry if that bugs you guys. I can start updating in half-chapters if you guys want. PLEASE REVIEW. I'm a newer writer and I look forward to hearing from you guys, even if it is just to ask me to make shorter chapters or to point out a typo. Thanks for reading, I will be updating every Saturday with a new chapter!

"_There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other." J.K. Rowling_

"_If you make it plain you like people, it's hard for them to resist liking you back."—Lois McMaster Bujold_

**Chapter Two:**

**I'm not the only one who likes them, the cute toddler does too.**

I had the first half of the day, Cindy and Lin took turns on the second half of the day. That was how we had set up the guard schedule two years ago. At first Cindy and Lin complained, but after a while they got used to me taking on most of the work.

I took my seat near the edge of the clearing as I normally would. I listened as the breathing of everyone slowed as they drifted into sleep. I was comforted by the number of calm breaths and focused my mind on becoming accustomed to the sounds of our new members' breathing.

Jasper was almost silent a he sat down at my side. Most people might not have even heard him, but I was so focused on the sound of breathing that the small noise startled me.

"Sorry," he whispered when I jumped.

"Don't worry about it," I said breathlessly.

We sat there, about five feet away, for somewhere near half an hour. I scanned the trees and watched him in my peripherals.

He too was scanning the forest, but he was also watching me. He wasn't very subtle, taking long glances often, but I tried my hardest not to return the gaze.

He scooted closer to me. My heart beat picked up pace slightly but I urged it to quiet. It was silly that I would have such reactions; Jasper was just a guy, and nearly a stranger at that.

"You don't have to stay up, I can handle the lookout," he said in a whisper.

"Cindy and Lin didn't feel safe just having you on guard." I felt almost guilty telling him that, but he looked at me almost hopefully.

"Would you feel safe with just me on guard?" He asked earnestly.

I looked up at him; he was just about a foot away. It felt slightly awkward, having him so close, but it didn't feel dangerous. It felt much the opposite in fact. _Why is that?_ The question burned in my head. It made no sense that I should trust him, but I simply did.

"Yes." The word was out before I had had even finished comprehending the question. He looked at me and smiled. His smile was warm and gentle; it nearly took my breath away.

"You should go get some sleep." I considered the option for a moment, I was exhausted. In the end I gave the only answer I could.

"This was the arrangement my friends and I came to." He honored my answer with a nod. I could tell he understood the process of group decisions.

"How are your guard schedules set up?" He whispered casually.

"I have the first half; Lin and Cindy alternate the second half," I said matter-of-factly.

"You don't split it in thirds?" He asked with honest curiosity.

"No, the other girls need their sleep." He looked at me with mock scorn and narrowed his eyes.

"So do you," he said in a voice that was less scorn and more genuine concern. I glanced at him and changed the subject off of me quickly.

"What is your schedule? Do you split it in thirds?" I asked with curiosity.

"No ours is the same as yours. I take the first half while Aidan and Ian alternate the second half."

I looked at him in almost disbelief. Was our likeness why I trusted him?

"Hypocrite," I whispered at him.

"What?" He whispered, confused.

"So you're saying that I need sleep and you don't? Is it because I'm a girl?!" I was joking, but having to whisper was marring my sarcasm, causing him to fall under the impression that I was being serious.

He started backtracking, speaking quickly and stuttering. "No I….. I would never….. I didn't mean….. what I meant was…" I cut off his struggle for words.

"I was joking," I whispered, half laughing.

He joined in my hushed laughter. His laugh was low and musical, the kind of laugh you never forget.

_My_ laugh had always been too loud, too wheezy, and too strange. As a child I was made fun of for it. I felt embarrassed by it, until I noticed how he seemed to be soaking it in and cherishing it. It startled me, his expression.

"You're laugh is very unique, I like it," he said, still chuckling lightly. My cheeks warmed and I giggled foolishly.

"When I was ten, Cindy broke a guy's nose because he was making fun of my laugh." I laughed even more at the memory of Tommy Handrigs running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

"So you guys have been friends for a long time?"

"A _long_ time."

"How old are you and your friends?" He asked, seeming almost too interested. He seemed too interested in everything about me.

"We're all seventeen."

"Really?" He whispered in disbelief. "I thought that you were at least eighteen."

"Everyone always assumes that I'm a year older, and Cindy is just a really assertive girl that's a year younger." People used to make that assumption a lot.

"How old are you and your brothers?" I asked, hoping I hadn't assumed wrong about their ages.

"Aidan turns seventeen in about a month, Ian is nineteen, and I just turned twenty." I internally congratulated myself for being close.

"Do you want to tell me your story? How you got here?" He asked quietly.

"You first, I'm sure yours is a little less complicated," I said, still giggling a little.

"Well, we're brothers and we lived in Chicago. When the disease started spreading we started to worry. We watched its progress in the news; we even got to see its symptoms first-hand with our parents.

"When the three of us found out we were immune we became a little worried, so as soon as the infected people became hostile we ran. We've been running ever since, and, other than you, we haven't met any other immunes. We were starting to worry that everyone else was killed." He looked at me affectionately.

"We're not the only ones, trust me," I muttered. He looked at me in curiosity, but he let it go when he noticed that I obviously wasn't going to explain.

"Your turn now." He said cheerfully.

"Well, Cindy, Lin, and I have been best friends since we could crawl. And the kids are my younger siblings. We all were immune, and so was my father. When he started to notice that the infected were hostile towards the immunes, he tried to reason with a few of the infected." I struggled to continue. "They killed him."

"I'm so sorry." He whispered as he placed his hand on mine. I welcomed the needed comfort.

"When we saw it on the news as some kind of execution, I decided it was a good idea to run. So I gathered everyone and we snuck out in the middle of the night." It was only two years ago, but it seemed so long now.

"There was such a large group of you, I wonder why we seem to pop up in groups…" He muttered under his breath. "Have you run into any other humans?" He asked as if he already knew the answer, and he probably did.

"Yes," I whispered in an acidic tone that I almost immediately regretted using.

"Si-ss-y!" Emma wailed. My head popped up and I saw her small body running towards us. She stopped and sat down on my feet, burying her head in my legs.

"What's wrong, sweets?" I asked as I stroked her head.

"I have bad dweam." She cried into my legs.

"Well don't worry." Jasper whispered. Emma lifted her head up to look at him and sobbed. "I know how to scare bad dreams away." I watched him as he smiled at Emma.

"You see, all you have to do is yell 'BOO' at the bad dreams," he said, still smiling sweetly.

"BOO!" Emma exclaimed.

She leaned against his leg and put her head down on his knee and closed her eyes. Jasper whispered something into her ear that calmed her far more than anything I had ever seen when she had awoken from a nightmare.

"Cold," she muttered.

Jasper put his arm around her and pulled her into his lap. She buried her face into his chest and begged. "Tell me the story sissy."

I began the story over again, repeating what I had told the night before until I reached where I left off "…As we grew and started Junior High we became interested in different sports and clubs. We made other friends and had separate classes, but we never grew apart.

As we each made friends we each made enemies, and if a person was one girl's enemy they were the group's enemy. We caused mischief, and stirred up trouble. Cindy was too daring, and a little too convincing, and often got us tied up in messes. But with my common sense I kept us out of most trouble, even though Lin had no problem tricking teachers into letting us off the hook.

Everyday we walked to Cindy's uncle's car garage. It was only a few blocks from home and her uncle was kind. We would finish our homework and then we would help Cindy's uncle around the shop. One day this horrible man came in, he had a mole right on the tip of his nose! We played the nastiest tricks on him.

About half-way through our freshman year in high school the disease broke out and we ran away. Now we live together, and we take care of each other. Now we are one big family." I finished. I left out so many of the frightening occurrences between happiness and our new family.

Emma was asleep, cuddled into Jasper's chest. I envied her momentarily. I wanted to be asleep in his arms too. Jasper smiled up at me, and I asked a question to stop myself from speaking my envious thoughts.

"What were you whispering to her?"

"I was telling her the story of the little girl who defeated the king of nightmares." I smiled and laughed under my breath.

"You're great with her," I whispered in awe, not even Lin and Cindy had been able to help her when she had a bad dream.

"It's really nothing." He whispered as he stoked her hair. It was amazing how phenomenal he was with her.

"Wrong, it's something. I was beginning to worry that she didn't like men," I muttered. He chuckled quietly.

"Other than us, how many other men have been around for her to not like?" He asked jokingly. The questioned was rhetorical, but I answered anyway.

"Two," I said in an acidic tone.

"What happened?" He asked kindly, obviously sensing the tenderness of the subject.

"Let's not go there," I muttered, trying not to think about it.

"Okay." He quickly changed the subject, noticing that I was sensitive to this one. "Can I ask you a question that's been bugging me?"

"Depends on the question." I smiled, hoping he would ask something simple.

"How did your bra end up in the principal's office?" He laughed quietly.

"You heard that?" My cheeks flushed, how many of our whispers did he hear?

"Yep. So, how?" He awaited the story impatiently.

"I never really found out, all I know is that Cindy asked me to bring an extra bra to school and then asked me to give it to her. When I saw that she had that look in her eyes I tried to tell her no, but then she asked me to just listen to her. A few hours after I gave her the bra I was called down to the principal's office because he found my bra in his top drawer."

"How did he know it was yours?" Jasper was trying awfully hard not to laugh too loud.

"I had written my name on the tag." I was beat red from embarrassment. "Cindy never told me how it got there; she just looked mad and told me not to ask."

We both laughed as quietly as we could, our laughter shaking our bodies so forcefully I thought my side might burst.

"Our shift is over," he whispered, looking up at the sun.

"Okay," I said as I stood up.

Jasper held tight to Emma as he walked over to Ian, who was asleep on a black blanket he had carried in his backpack. I leaned over Lin and nudged her awake, at first she jumped, but when her vision became clear she stood up and walked over to the edge of the clearing.

I laid down on the purple comforter blanket and watched Jasper. He walked over and kneeled down next to me. He started to lay Emma on my chest but I shook my head. He paused and spoke.

"I don't think your friends would feel comfortable with Emma sleeping in my arms." He whispered while chuckling softly.

"Emma made the choice, and as one of her parental units I give her permission to make the decision." We all agreed Emma's comfort was more important ages ago, and she was obviously comfortable.

"If I get shot, I blame you," he whispered as he pulled her close and stood up.

He unfolded the green blanket he had draped over his shoulder with one of his hands and laid it out on the empty ground next to my blanket. I almost opposed, but it felt safe to have him so close. These days, security was a difficult feeling to locate, and I welcomed its return.

I pulled a blanket over my cold body and watched as he fell asleep six feet from me, holding Emma like a treasure. As I drifted in an out of uncomfortable sleep I would see her precious little smile as she snuggled closer to him in unconsciousness. One often experiences moments in which they know something grand has just occurred, whether that moment is the security of an arm around them, or the smile of a child, these moments shape a person. This moment was shaping me.

Traveling that night went well. Each of the kids—not including Emma—carried two bags of food. Originally the three of us had been carrying three bags, but the guys felt uncomfortable just carrying one bag and insisted that they each carry two so we wouldn't have to carry three.

Lin and Cindy started to ease up around the guys and so did Katie and Arthur. It was physically impossible for Emma to be more at ease with them, she seemed to adore the ground they walked on and expected them to adore her in return. She thrilled to find that they did.

Arthur talked to Aidan every now and then; he also exchanged a few words with Jasper. Simple small talk was all, but right away you could tell that Arthur was trying to get information on them. Katie talked to Ian, the questions she asked were silly, but he answered them like a pro.

Emma, well she wouldn't leave Jasper or any of the other guys—but specifically Jasper—alone. Between poking Aidan, using Ian as a jungle gym, and talking Jasper's ear off—in hardly understandable babbling—she kept busy. The guys were good sports about it though, always smiling at her and allowing her to do what she wished.

Jasper was amazing; he answered her babble and carried her when she started to get tired—it was funny, she insisted he be the one to carry her and no one else. I couldn't help but smile. Jasper was definitely earning himself a fan. The other guys were too, but most prominently Jasper.

Lin and Cindy continued to be aggravating, and so did Aidan and Ian. I probably could have ignored that because they got over each tiff quickly, but when Cindy and Ian started to get into it there were issues. Even worse was when all four of them started to bicker.

"Why don't we just travel by day and sleep at night like normal people?" Ian complained.

"Normal is boring."

"Shut up Aidan," Ian hissed.

"What are you two girls fighting about now?" Cindy had been getting hypocritically annoyed by their constant head butting.

"Whether or not Ian is a prick. I vote yes," Aidan answered mockingly. Ian smacked his arm.

"I was just trying to figure out why we're messing with our sleep schedules," Ian corrected.

"Because when we travel at night there are less people to see us and less people to hear your bitching," Cindy informed him with a bitter tongue.

"Maybe I wouldn't be complaining if I knew where the hell we were going." Ian was nearly beyond frustration, and I didn't blame him. It was unfair that we weren't sharing much information with them, but we needed time to build trust with them.

"Maybe if you stop complaining, you might find out," Lin interjected as she joined the conversation.

"I doubt it. Little Miss Elle over there doesn't trust us farther as she can throw us, and that's not far." So Ian blamed me for the mistrust, I could see why he would assume it was my fault.

"Are you blind? 'Little Miss Elle over there' is the only reason you guys haven't been shot yet! She's not the one who mistrusts you! And what the hell did you expect? For a group of girls to trust a group of male strangers right away? Did that once, won't do it again." Cindy yelled at him.

"It's okay, we get it. Ian's just being a jerk, ignore him." Aidan tried to placate her.

With that Cindy and Lin huffed off to the front of the group and ignored the guys for the remainder of the day. I knew they were both pretty pissed because they didn't once argue or fight with each other, which was a rarity.

"Emma really likes you guys," I pointed out to Jasper as we took our lookout stations that morning.

"I'm glad to hear it. Are your friends starting to like us a little bit more?" he asked jokingly.

"Not much, but at least they aren't considering shooting you guys every time you get close to Emma," I added to bring up a brighter note. Although, and I would never say it, every time Ian touched Emma, Cindy's hand twitched towards her knife.

"So it would be out of the question for you to go get some sleep? You look even more exhausted today than you did yesterday," he said in a worried tone.

Once again I considered it, I was exhausted. I had tossed and tuned last night and barely slept, in fact I spent most of the night watching Jasper sleep rather than sleeping myself.

"Let's not push them," I said. We both laughed quietly.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked reluctantly, the tone of his voice worried me a little.

"Sure," I answered hesitantly.

"Why don't your friends trust us?" He whispered quietly. Maybe II was deranged, but I didn't think that was he question he really wanted to ask.

"The three of us have good reasons to be distrustful," I muttered.

"Why do you trust me?" His voice was barely audible. I noticed how he said "me" instead of us.

I thought about the question for a minute before answering, I wasn't exactly sure myself.

"There's just something about you, I can't explain it." I blushed heavily as the words came out in a rush. He smiled to himself.

"I'm glad you trust me," he whispered, still smiling. His expression changed to casual, which hopefully meant he was ending discussion on that particular subject.

"Tell me about yourself," he whispered to me while scooting closer.

"What?" I asked confused.

"What you like, what you don't like, your favorite color, your favorite flower, your favorite food, the works." He said casually.

"Okay. My favorite color would have to be either sea foam green or purple. My favorite flower is a tie between orchids and cherry blossoms.

"My favorite food is peanut butter. I like watching sports; I don't particularly enjoy playing them. I like listening to music; I don't like rap or really heavy metal.

"I enjoy singing. I'm afraid of spiders. I'm afraid of falling, but not of heights. I enjoy reading, but I'm not a big fan of mysteries. Oh and I'm a November baby. Did I cover everything?" I asked, nearly breathless.

"So we both share a love for watching sports, our birthdays are a month apart, we have similar tastes in music and we both have an obsession with peanut butter," he said. "I have to hear you sing, " he added

"Not now." I said anxiously.

"Why don't you like mysteries?" He asked.

"I always figure out the ending," I said casually. "Your turn."

"Let's see… I like playing sports, I don't like coffee, and my birthday is in December. I enjoy music—other than rap and techno. I'm afraid of jelly fish. I like reading, and I also always figure out the endings to mysteries. My favorite flower is the Lily, although being a guy I'm not into flowers much. My favorite food is peanut butter. And my favorite color is brilliant emerald with a small hint of blue." I looked up at him and blushed; his favorite color was the color of my eyes.

He blushed too and smiled at me. I stood up and stretched, suddenly feeling restless. Jasper stayed seated but his eyes never left me as I paced.

"You okay?" He asked concerned.

"Peachy keen," I lied. He called my bluff and stood up next to me.

"What's bugging you?" He asked sweetly.

"I'm just a little restless."

We spent the remainder of our shift telling each other stories of our childhood, I got to hear about their tree house, and he got to hear about our park bench. It was nice, sharing stories and learning about him. The conversation just seemed to flow.

When our shift was over I went and nudged Cindy awake. She groggily stood up and began massaging her face. She looked at me and sighed.

"Try to get some sleep Elle; you look like you're about ready to pass out." She whispered as she took her post.

I wish I could have taken her advice. I had another sleepless day of tossing and turning. I could hear Cindy and Aidan whispering to each other although I couldn't make out the words. I listened to Emma's breathing—she had cuddled up next to me—and her soft sighs.

I turned my head to watch Jasper sleep and to my surprise found that he was awake, and watching me with a concerned gaze. I guess he wanted me to sleep too, I found it strange to be watched instead of watching.

Traveling the next night was long, and my exhaustion didn't help. It went as well as the previous night's journey, Emma kept herself entertained by playing with the guys, and everyone was becoming even more at ease with each other.

"What were you and Aidan whispering about last night?" I whispered into Cindy's ear. She blushed slightly and separated us from the group a little before she spoke.

"We were telling each other about ourselves," she whispered, still blushing.

"You like him," I stated

"I think so; I mean out of the three I trust him the most. I don't trust him farther than I can throw him, but it's a start right?" She whispered in an almost inaudible rush.

"Yes, a very good start," I assured her as I put an arm around her waist.

"Do you think he likes me?" She asked under her breath as she looked at Aidan's back. It was a strange thing for Cindy to ask. She had always been the girl that could have any guy.

"Doesn't everyone with a Y chromosome like you?"

"After flirting and work, but do you think he actually _likes _me. Without the flirting and work." She was talking to me like I'm stupid.

"Yes, I think he does." She smiled.

"Good, now when I flirt I'll know he doesn't just like me for my flirting," she said bluntly as she walked back over to rejoin the group.

"And by the way, not everyone with a Y chromosome likes me. Ian is too busy watching Lin, thank God, and Jasper, well, he can't take his eyes off of you." She giggled at whatever face I was apparently making.

As soon as I rejoined the group I noticed how Jasper kept an eye on me, he was concerned, but I ignored his looks. I started to think about what Cindy had said, and decided she was mistaken. Jasper was just concerned, not infatuated.

Then, of course, I tripped like the completely brilliant person that I am, flinging forward as my foot caught on the rock. I felt an arm wrap around my waist and keep me from making a face plant. I was pulled to my feet gently.

I turned to thank the person, and found, not to my surprise, that it was Jasper who had saved me from making a complete and utter fool of myself.

"Thanks," I said. He didn't remove the hand at my waist as we started to walk again.

"You're dead on your feet, you're lucky we're starting to make camp," He said scornfully.

"No, she's just a klutz," Lin teased; I shot her an angry glare.

"She's both, which isn't good," Cindy added in a serious tone.

We set up camp quickly, although I did it in a daze. Jasper kept a close eye on me, making me feel self-conscious and jittery. At least he had unwrapped his arm from around my waist; Cindy had started to eye his arm in a way that made me worry for its safety.

Emma insisted that she help me "wat for bad thingies" as she put it, so I sat next to Jasper while she fell asleep in my arms. I listened to her soft breathing and closed my eyes only for a second, planning to open them soon and start my watch.

I woke up soon after to find myself leaning against Jasper with my head on his shoulder. Emma slept on our laps with her face buried in Jasper's leg. Jasper's warm arm was around me and his cheek rested on my forehead in the most endearing of ways.

I jumped slightly when I awoke. Jasper lifted his head and looked at me.

"What happened?" I asked groggily.

"You fell asleep," he whispered casually.

"But how…" I looked at our position.

"I figured you'd be more comfortable with something to lean on."

I squirmed out of his arm and sat upright with Emma still draped across our laps. There was only a little space between us, but at least now I could think properly.

"You can go back to sleep if you want, I don't mind," he assured me. I considered the notion, lying back in his arms was not unappealing.

"No, I'm fine. I have a question to ask you anyway." I whispered back. I was fine, I felt well rested.

"Ask away." I could hear the curiosity in his voice.

"Well, I was wondering…" I took a deep breath. "Does Aidan like Cindy?" The question surprised him and threw him off guard.

"That depends, does she like him?" He was still confused.

"I asked first," I pointed out.

"Well, yeah," he answered hesitantly.

"Good, because she likes him and I would hate for her to get hurt." I was relieved, and he heard it in my voice.

"Does Lin like Ian?" he asked quickly.

"She hasn't said anything to me." The question caught me off guard.

"Oh."

"Does he like her?" I was anxious for the answer.

"Yes," He said almost inaudibly.

"Look, Cindy was always the trigger happy one who kept us from being shy nobody's. I was always the one who kept them out of trouble and who was the voice of reason. I was the slightly maternal one. Lin was always the one who went along with it, who had a strange opinion that she usually kept to herself.

"In the past two months Lin has changed, she's become very protective and maternal of Cindy and me. She helped us pick up the pieces. It'll take a little while for her to focus on not watching how you guys act with us to see how Ian acts with her. If he's patient it _will_ pay off." I took him a moment for him to process it all.

"What happened to you and Cindy that made her need to pick up the pieces?" he asked gently.

I was silent and kept my gaze on Emma, refusing to look at him. This was what I was keeping from him, what I avoided talking about. What made the other girls hesitant to trust. Why I had trouble sleeping. This was something I didn't want to talk about. Ever.

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened? I already know a little. I know about when, I know that it was two guys, I know it made you distrustful. Please just tell me," he pleaded softly.

"No," I responded flatly.

"That's fine. I won't pry. I just hope that one day you'll trust me enough to tell me, " he whispered as he put a hand on my shoulder. I thanked him with my eyes.

"I do trust you, probably more than I should, but the wounds are just a little too fresh and…"I trailed off. My voice quivered and I felt tears in the corner of my eyes.

I shook them away like the sign of weakness they were. Jasper put his arm back around me.

"I told you it was fine, and it is.," he whispered gently. I didn't look at him; I was focusing on other things. I shrugged away and scooted Emma onto his lap and off of mine so I could distance myself from him.

"Our shift's over," I said as I stood up and walked over to sleeping Lin.

I nudged her awake as Jasper watched my back. She woke up and looked at my face; she could obviously see the strain to fight back emotion. She looked from Jasper to me and back again.

"I'm going to murder that sick, disgusting, horrendous, piece of…." I put an arm around her waist in restraint. She was reaching for her the knife on her thigh.

"Whoa, stop. He didn't do anything," I assured her as I put my hand on her chest. "And I thought Cindy was the trigger happy one." My teasing sounded off, forced.

"If she had seen you like that he would be dead," she said flatly. "What's wrong?" she demanded.

"I'm just tired," I lied quickly.

"Like hell you are." She could tell I wasn't going to talk. "You _will_ tell Cindy and me tomorrow, otherwise I will shoot him for whatever he did to you," she added threatening, no sign of joking in her tone.

"I will," I said quietly already thinking of how to word my explanation. "And you _will not _shoot him because he did nothing wrong," I whispered the last part loudly in hopes that Jasper was eavesdropping. He looked ever so slightly relieved, so I assumed he heard. It was my way of apologizing for just walking away.

"Fine I won't shoot him. I'm not making any promises for Cindy though," she muttered as she walked over to where Ian was now standing.

I didn't look at Jasper until he was asleep. He had chosen to sleep by Aidan, not me. _I guess I'm not forgiven_. That made my heart sink slightly, I felt safer with him sleeping just a few feet from me.

I slept, but not well. Nightmares filled my sleep, nightmares of things I had locked away in the back of my mind.

When I awoke I was in a cold sweat and Cindy was holding me. Other than Lin and Ian, we were the only ones awake, Ian was sitting close to Lin and she seemed worried, not by the close proximity, but by me.

I was shaking in tremors and Cindy was hushing me in a soothing voice. I could see the pain in her eyes; she knew my nightmares because there were mornings where I had comforted her against the same demons.

"Lin filled me in, and when I saw you tossing and turning in a cold sweat I got really worried. What happened last night?" She was whispering in my ear softly.

"He asked what happened to make us distrustful. He figured out things, like that it was two guys…" I trailed off, fighting back tremors; it was so easy for me to show emotion in Cindy's arms.

"Did you tell him?" She wasn't accusing, she was sweet, and she stroked my hair as she waited for an answer.

That was how it had always been. I was strong, smart, and the leader. Cindy was fiery, run by her emotions, and didn't always think things through; but she was also very observant, most especially of me. She saw things that others, even Lin, missed.

She had once told me she was even more observant of me because I was interesting. You might never know it from a first impression, or even a second one, but she was a very good listener, and she was a great safe house.

Even though she had always been independent, she was very maternal of me, but she was also very open with me. She didn't break down often, but when she fell she fell hard, and I was the one to pick up the pieces. That was how it was, how it had been since we were children.

She was patiently waiting for my answer.

"No, I just couldn't." I felt tears come to my eyes as I admitted the truth, that I was too weak to tell him. I wished I could have told him, I felt as though I should have been able to tell him, almost as if he deserved to know.

"Was he angry that you wouldn't tell him?" Her voice was still quiet, but now curious. She could tell she was missing something vital to my pain.

"Not that I know of, he was sweet and kind. I wanted to tell him, I just couldn't." My voice croaked. I looked up and my heart sunk, Jasper was awake and listening.

I sunk my head into Cindy's chest and evened my breathing until the tears and shuddering stopped. I lifted my head and looked up at her.

"I'm fine." It was true. I was fine now.

_**Now, please review!**_


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: I hope you like this chapter! As always, I will be updating every Saturday. Please review!

"The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity."-Francis Maitland Balfour

"Never explain—your friends do not need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway." Elbert Hubbard

**Chapter Three:**

**We should probably work on communication.**

As it neared daybreak I started to get excited, bouncing a little as I stepped. I could almost taste home on my tongue. I knew my way through these forests as though they were the freckles on my arms; they seemed almost a part of my being. These forests and trees, the soft murmur of the river, this was me; this was my home.

"Almost there!" Cindy squealed.

"Almost where?" Ian asked irritably. It slowly began to dawn on me that he didn't seem to like Cindy much.

"We're almost to the mine," Aidan said confidently. I smiled internally. Cindy and him had talked more than I had expected.

"The what?" Ian was puzzled.

"An abandoned mine we added some extra support to and furnished, a little, and have been living in," I explained. It felt nice to finally tell them where we were headed.

"Isn't that dangerous, you know, because of earthquakes and cave-ins and stuff?" Ian questioned apprehensively.

"No, it was pretty well kept, and there aren't very bad earthquakes in Oregon," I reminded him kindly.

"How did you manage to add extra support?" he wondered aloud.

"Logs."

"You carried logs?" he asked incredulously.

"Okay, we're going to get something straight right now!" Cindy yelled as she stepped towards Ian. "Yes, we are girls! And yes, we carry logs!"

"I didn't mean…" Cindy stepped closer and cut him off.

"We survived for two years without any help! So I just wanted to let you know that even though I can't bench press as much as you I can still kick your ass to the moon and back!" She was up in his face pointing her finger at him. This was bad, this was really bad.

"I bet on Cindy," Aidan whispered to Jasper. Jasper smacked him on the back of the head while I stepped on his foot.

"Like hell you will Lucinda!" Lin suddenly yelled as she put herself between them. This was REALLY bad. "That is not what he meant!" Cindy started yelling and Ian joined Lin in yelling back. Cindy was going to punch him at any minute.

Aidan started to join Cindy, yelling at Ian. Cindy's fist flew and landed a punch squarely on Ian's nose, sending blood spattering. Aidan pushed Cindy behind him in case Ian punched back, although Lin was the one preparing to throw a punch at her. The yelling started again.

"SHUT UP! NOW!" I bellowed. All eyes turned to me and I stared them all down. They were immediately quiet. "Ten steps away from each other!" They followed my instruction, all with frustrated faces, Lin was shooting angry glares at Cindy, who had her chin up and her arms crossed. Aidan looked immensely tense, and Ian was clutching his nose.

"Okay," I said before I started lecturing them. "Cindy, that is not what he meant, so let it go. Lin, you shouldn't have said Cindy's real name; you know how it pisses her off. Ian, you should have kept your mouth shut. Aidan, you shouldn't have gotten involved, Cindy would have kicked Ian's ass, and you really don't need to worry about her."

They all hung there heads in shame, except for Cindy, she held her head high as she stormed over to Aidan's side. She warned Ian with her eyes as she crossed his path. Lin walked by Ian and began talking to him in whispers while attempting to assess his injured nose.

When we arrived at the mine shaft I finally felt at home. The dirt walls were well lit by skylights we made and by lamps we kept constantly burning. The opening tunnel curved, but finally led to the wide open space we referred to as the living room. The living room had a dome appearance to the ceiling, and was supported by the very log beams that had created a fight earlier. Nearly in the center was a skylight that we would stare at the stars from.

When standing in the center of the living room with your back to the wall you could see three separate tunnels. The tunnel on the lower right was a hallway of sorts to our rooms. The hallway was long and well lighted by lamps. The rooms were well sized but shaped strangely.

The tunnel in your upper right led to an area full of nooks and crannies with odd shapes cut out of the walls from mining. We used this area for storage of food and other supplies we didn't keep in our rooms or other areas of the cave. This was the darkest part of the cave, as we never left a lamp, and the children tended to avoid the jagged walls.

On your lower left there was the area we used for eating and cooking. We tended to call the room the kitchen because we kept a small propane stove to cook on and often lit a fire under the skylight, allowing the smoke to escape, to cook other items.

Behind a shelf my dad built when we first found this mine there was a secret, small room. Only Cindy, Lin, and I knew of it. The children knew nothing of its existence. We used the room for late night meetings we didn't want to be overheard by the children.

We gave the guys a small tour –careful to leave out the meeting area for both the reason that we didn't want the kids to find out about it and because we didn't want _them _to know about it—and showed them their rooms. They each had a room to themselves, they had the three rooms at the back, and we would each share a room with a kid and have the three rooms at the front.

The rooms were in a consecutive line off of a hall that we had widened years ago. In order from left to right the room assignments were: Ian, Jasper, Aidan, Lin and Katie, Cindy and Arthur, Emma and I. Each of the rooms had a single queen mattress, sheets, and a comforter. It also had shelves that we stocked with our favorite stuff.

It took us about an hour to move our stuff out of our old rooms and into the new rooms, and another half-hour for the guys to get situated. We loaded our supplies into the storage area by flashlight; it was the only area without a view of the sky.

"How did you find this place?" Aidan wondered aloud.

"The property was my grandfather's. My father had found the place when he was a boy; he showed it to us so we could use it as a hideout. We put in some mattresses, shelves, and a few of our favorite things. We told our parents that we were camping; only my dad knew that we were here.

"My grandpa died in the middle of when the disease was infecting people. Everyone was so preoccupied with the disease that the property went unclaimed. I figured it would be the perfect home."

The guys had turned their head and were all listening. When I finished they seemed satisfied, except for Jasper. I met his eyes for a brief second. They burned my heart; they seemed almost yearning and angry.

Angry at me.

I turned my head quickly so as to escape his gaze and walked out of the room. Cindy and Lin were standing next to each other, they motioned me over.

"Are we still going to do guard duty?" Cindy breathed. We usually didn't do guard duty at the mine.

"We'll discuss it tonight." They both raised their eyebrows in recognition. They knew that we were going to be talking at midnight in the meeting room like normal.

The day went by slowly, even more slowly because I was anxious for time to pass, time heals, and I was anxious for forgiveness.

The day did eventually end though, and Jasper took his post about halfway down the tunnel. I did the same, although I stayed a good twenty feet away from him at all times. If he was still angry with me for not telling him about what happened then I didn't want to aggravate him farther.

Time passed more slowly than I had ever felt it pass before, the mere seconds of silence felt like hours. He was still angry though, I could see it in his clenched jaw and rigid position.

"I'll be back soon." My voice was only loud enough for him to hear. He turned his head and our eyes met. There was some sort of pain in his eyes, a longing. I assumed it was the longing to be trusted. It burned in the pit of my stomach as I walked away and into the meeting room.

"Okay, first of all, what are we going to do about guard schedules?" Lin asked me as I walked in and slid the shelf into place behind me.

"Do you two feel comfortable enough with them to let them guard alone?" My eyes stayed focused on Cindy, her answer was the one I needed most.

"I trust Ian, and you trust Jasper, so I do too. I'm not so sure about Aidan though, I haven't gotten to know him," Lin said casually.

"Aidan is fine. I trust him." Cindy's voice had a slightly acidic tone.

"Do you trust the other guys?"

"You trust Jasper, and so do I. Ian is the one I'm not so sure about, he's kind of an ass." I almost groaned, this was going to be a fight.

"Ian is perfectly nice, and maybe he wouldn't act like an ass if you were kinder to him. I mean you punched him for God's sake!" Lin argued.

"And I would punch him again if I had the chance!"

"Like hell you will!"

"Girls!" I yelled to silence them. They both turned their heads to me. "Do we trust him or not?"

"He may be an ass, but I don't think he'll try anything," Cindy admitted begrudgingly.

"Then I'll talk to Jasper and…" I stopped immediately, how was I supposed to talk to him?

"You don't have to talk to him. I can do it," Cindy offered, she obviously understood the dilemma.

"No, I'll do it, but I'll need a little time to work things out with him first." I was dreading the notion already.

"Until then why don't we just keep up our normal guard schedules?" Lin suggested.

"Works for me." My voice sounded off, I was still worried about how to talk to Jasper. "Then, after I've talked to him"—oh joy—"we'll spilt the guard shifts with them."

"Anything else we need to discuss?" Lin asked.

"Baths and a few other things," I answered.

"Well why don't we head down to the river every other morning for baths like we normally do?" Lin suggested. "The guys and Arthur can go right after us."

"Sounds good to me. So what are the 'few other things' we need to talk about?" Cindy didn't seem entirely interested.

"There are two things. One: This room is still to remain a secret, no matter how trustworthy the guys may prove. This room will stay a secret between the three of us unless there is a dire emergency," I told them.

"I don't think all three of them would fit in here comfortably with us," Cindy muttered.

She was right; of the many important features our meeting room had size was not one of them. Although the room was adequately hidden, had a large enough opening, and had a flat floor there were many annoyances in the space. The ceiling was low and rose just above Lin's head, the floor was rough and scratched our knees and hands, the walls were jagged and couldn't be leaned against, and there was no light so even at mid-noon we had to bring a lantern inside.

When we came to inhabit the mine we agreed that our meeting room would be the perfect safe house if there was ever an emergency. In truth the space would be slightly cramped with the children, but cramped was okay in an emergency. Now with the guys though…we would be packed like sardines.

"Two: Lin, what do you think of Ian?" I asked nonchalantly.

"He seems really sweet." Her face was flushing.

"Do you like him?" Cindy pressed in irritation at the lack of detail.

"Yes, and I think he might like me." She smiled.

"Of course he does." Cindy giggled as she spoke.

"How about you and Aidan? How's that flirting coming?" I asked, my voice full of implications about her tactics.

"I'm being subtle, but I think it's working." She sounded keyed up.

"How are things between you and Jasper, I know they're a little rough, but how bad is it?" Lin's voice was kind as she asked the question both of them had probably wanted to know the answer to all night.

"He hasn't spoken a word to me and he barely makes eye contact. He's angry with me for walking away." They both sighed as I walked out of the small space and to my room. It was pointless going back on duty when my shift ended any minute.

In the morning I awoke on my old mattress, wrapped in blankets and sheets. Years ago we had removed the mattresses from my grandfather's home and placed them in each of the cave's rooms. As time passed the springs have started to creak, but the mattresses are still quite comfortable compared to the ground.

I stood up and grabbed a stolen bottle of shampoo, a soap bar, a clean set of clothes, and a towel from a wooden shelf my dad had built years ago. Many of our more carefully constructed things were old. We were able to steal small things, or move certain items from my grandfather's house we could carry. The other items in the cave such as shelves and a few tables were things my dad made for us.

He had furnished this cave—leaving sleeping bags, board games, and books—so that we could enjoy this place. My dad had magically transformed this cold mine shaft into a cave, a place that would become our home. Our childhood secret, the place we snuck away to for hours at a time on our trips to grandpa's house, had become our home now.

I shut the curtain behind me and walked into the man room with my things in my arms. The girls were waiting in the hall with their things prepared to leave.

"I'll explain to the boys," Cindy offered. I shook my head and spoke as they drifted into the room.

"We're going to take a bath down at the nearby river, it's close and straight to the north from the entrance of the cave. We'll take the kids and bathe them first, and then we'll send them back and take a bath ourselves. When we get back you guys can take your turn," I explained flatly, not looking at Jasper.

"Isn't that dangerous? Sending the kids back alone?" Aidan asked, his voice hinting at concern.

"Well, it really isn't that far, and it'll just be Katie and Emma. They can handle themselves for a hundred yards. We were actually hoping Arthur could join you guys." I waited for their response.

"We don't mind at all, but are you guys at least taking a weapon?" Ian sounded even more concerned than Aidan.

"We'll take a gun, but only for Katie to carry on the way back." They all seemed a little worried at that. "Don't worry; she can handle a gun quite well."

"Be careful," Jasper whispered as we left, I wasn't sure he meant for us, especially me, to hear.

The water was cold as we waded in it to help Emma. She was waist deep, and splashing the water around her. She giggled as we rinsed the soap out of her hair. Cindy grabbed a towel, Lin went and fetched Katie, and I lifted her out of the water.

I wrapped the towel around her and snuggled my nose against hers.

"You're all squeaky clean Emma." I smiled at her. She patted my face with her hands.

Katie took her from my arms and held her tight as she walked back towards the mine, all clean, in newly washed clothes and the gun at her hip.

I stripped down and dove in headfirst. The water seeped into my pores, my hair, it was cool and refreshing. I washed and scrubbed, determined to remove all signs of dirt or grime. In fact, in order to remove all signs of the things that have been burning in the pit of my stomach.

It seemed to work, I felt as though I was rubbing away the conversation, rinsing out the regret, like his angry glares at the wall were floating down the river.

"Make sure you're all squeaky clean for Ian," Cindy teased Lin.

"Oh shove off." Lin wasn't really in the mood for teasing, so naturally Cindy continued.

"Is ol' panties in a bunch already having an influence on you?"

"Don't call him that!" Lin yelled.

"Try and stop me," Cindy challenged.

The next thing I knew the two immature imbeciles were dunking each other and wresting under the water. They laughed humorously and both looked my way. Before I knew it my head was under water and I had the two of them pulling me to the surface.

"You know I don't like to be dunked!" I complained.

"We know," Lin said, while Cindy added "That's why we did it."

At that I sent a firm splash of cold water into both of their faces. They squealed in protest and began to splash back. The river was filled with our friendly play, the forest with our laughs.

I dried off and changed into the clothes I had just washed and sun dried. The clothes were warm and felt wonderful on my cold body. We walked back to the mine giggling all the way.

"The look on Tommy's face!" Cindy giggled as she remembered Tommy's facial expression after she pushed him in the pool for dumping water on Lin.

"Oh, do you remember the time he snuck into your room at night and you tied him up and put make-up on him. You told him 'if you ever come in here again I'll do a lot worse,'" I reminded her, even attempting to use a fake voice that poorly imitated her when she had no front teeth. We all broke out laughing.

As soon as the guys saw us they all looked relieved. I barely noticed though.

Because as soon as I saw Jasper all of the relaxing I had done flew out the window. If anything I felt even more rigid than before. He didn't look angry though, which was a relief. In fact he looked more relieved than the other guys. He still didn't make eye contact though.

I walked away and into my room. I heard them leave and to go take their baths. I grabbed a book off my shelf and started reading it.

It was a book I had read many times, but had never tired of. One of those feel good fantasy romances that such you in with only a slight chance of ever releasing you from its grasp. With a simple "guy falls for girl, girl is oblivious, eventually the guy tells her, some drama happens, then they all live happily ever after" plot line, it wasn't entirely unique.

It was the main character that always kept me reading. The main character was strong, she spoke her mind without thinking of the consequences, she was brave and courageous, not to mention the fact that she was witty and beautiful.

The came the tear jerker section, where her sister lay dying and the main character begged for God to bring her back. Even though I had read the book a hundred times, tears still flooded my eyes and streamed down my cheeks.

"Crap," Aidan muttered as he saw me, I had forgotten to close the curtain. "Do I need to get Jasper or one of the girls?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine, really. I'm just a complete sap," I told him, waiving the book in front of me in explanation.

Aidan walked away as though he didn't entirely believe me, but I didn't care. I simply returned to my book. But before I began to read a thought crossed my mind, well more of a memory. I remembered my elementary school art teacher once telling me "There are two types of readers. Those who read to experience a new world, and those who read to lose themselves in a different world," and I wondered which type of reader I was.

I sat in my room until lunch, which was quite eventful, Cindy and Lin fought. Big surprise.

"I don't see what your problem is!" Lin commented to Cindy as they walked in the room. I looked up from my food to watch them. From behind me I could hear Ian and Aidan silencing so as to watch the fight.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Cindy had stopped in her tracks and turned to look Lin in the eyes.

"What I mean is that you've been sulking around all morning!" Lin looked frustrated. I hadn't even noticed the sour mood that Cindy seemed to be in, she had so well disguised it at the river. As I looked at her close I could see the set of her jaw, the circles under her exasperated looking eyes. The messy bun on top of her head was an apparent sign that I was most definitely not the only one with issues.

"Just back off Lin!" Her voice was loud and her tone surprised us all, the utter anger, and the remorse that followed, as if she was angry, just not at Lin. "Please, just back off." A glisten in the corner of her eye, a glisten so small, so important.

She turned her back to Lin and walked right out of the room, turning for the hall. I stood up, and as I did Aidan's expression caught my eye. Longing, pain, he truly did care for her.

I wanted to smile to myself, and I would have, if I hadn't seen that look on her face before. I motioned Aidan to sit back down as he began to stand up. This was something that he shouldn't handle yet.

"I'll go get her," Lin grunted.

"No," I ordered, standing up as I spoke. Lin turned to face me and asked questions with her eyes as she saw my disappointment. "You've done enough Lin." She heard the implication in my voice and her frustration returned.

"Are you saying this is my fault?"

"No, I'm just saying that you should know better by now."

"What are you talking about?!" Her confused frustration almost angered me. She could be so oblivious at times, and at others she could be so perceptive, why did it have to be now that she chose to be oblivious?

"Did you even look at her? You should know that look by now." She pondered that, and as the realization hit her I walked out of the room to follow Cindy.

When I found her she was leaning against a wall, her head tilted back and her eyes closed. I could see that she was focusing on her breath, keeping it even. I stepped to her side and wrapped my arms around her.

"Nightmares?" I asked as I put my head on her shoulder.

"I thought I was finished with these! Why do they have to be contagious?" We used to say nightmares were contagious because whenever one of us had a nightmare the other girls had nightmares not long after.

"Because they suck. Period."

"They were the worst ones I have ever had. I could practically feel his hands on my skin." Her voice cracked and she broke.

She crumpled against me and cried into my shoulder. I cried too, just for the fact that it killed me to see her like this, so broken. Cindy never did this, and knowing that she was breaking now meant she was even more broken than she appeared to be.

"Cindy?" Aidan breathed as he entered the hall. Cindy didn't even hear him, but I did, so I looked up to see him.

His face was tortured as he ran down the hall towards us. He was silent, I had never noticed how quiet he could be, I could barely even hear his footsteps, and Cindy definitely couldn't over her own sobbing.

He stroked his hand down the length of her back, in an effort to comfort her. I should have stopped him, the outcome had not occurred to me until it came.

She felt the difference of his rough, large hand and jumped back with a scream. Against the wall, tensed to run, the fear in her eyes overwhelmed me. It was devastating to Aidan; he hadn't been expecting this reaction.

He looked pained and worried. But that ceased slightly when she calmed down and broke again, this time into his chest instead of my shoulder. It was rare that Cindy cracked into pieces, extraordinarily uncommon. But to see Cindy shattered, and in the arms of someone other than me, a near stranger practically, would have seemed unbelievably impossible if I had not been witnessing it.

That night Cindy slept in my room while Emma stayed with Arthur. Cindy slept curled against me. She slept fine at first; the screaming didn't come until a few hours after she dozed off. I was expecting it, but I was still unprepared.

The screaming was bloodcurdling, a scream of sheer terror that had been held back for so long. A scream that had been stifled that night and was finally escaping her lips. I tried to comfort her, to make her stop screaming, but the effort was wasted, because she wasn't waking up.

I shook her forcefully; she finally opened her eyes and stopped screaming at just about the same time everyone came running into the room.

She sobbed into my shoulder while they stood in the doorway. Aidan started to walk over to us but Lin held out her arm in restraint, shaking her head at him. Our sixth sense—that unspoken knowledge we had of each other's thoughts—was kicking in, Lin knew Cindy would demand privacy. Cindy preferred to appear strong.

"Out," Lin ordered everyone. She started to lead the procession but Aidan refused to budge. I nodded to Lin, telling her it was fine. If I had not seen her in his arms just hours before I would have forced him to leave, but I had.

Lin shuffled everyone else out of the room, leaving Aidan behind with us, still refusing to budge. He appeared to be torn. Torn between leaving and staying. Torn between watching and comforting.

"Cindy?" he gently asked. She looked up, tears still streaming down her cheeks, and attempted to pull herself together. Her body was shaking in my arms.

Aidan saw her struggle and sat down on the end of my bed, scooting close enough to us that he could reach out and touch her, and he did; stroking her spine with the back of his hand.

They seemed to be speaking through their eyes, for at the moment she curled into him he reached for her. Most men shy away from crying girls, but he didn't seem to mind the tear stains he was going to be have on his shirt. He just held her, stroking her back comfortingly, as he rested his cheek on her head.

She seemed more comforted by him than she had by me. I was thankful that Aidan could comfort her; there might be a time when I wasn't there to aide her. She slowly stopped sobbing and her eyelids started to droop along with mine.

When she finally slept it was a more peaceful sleep than I had ever seen her have. Her face was content and her arms were wrapped around Aidan. I knew he was the reason she slept so well. I could have watched the affectionate look on Aidan's face as he stroked her back all night. But I was tired.

"Aidan, I need some sleep," I reminded him in a whisper.

"Okay then, I'll carry her to my room so that she won't wake you if she has another nightmare." He stood up, cradling Cindy in his arms, as he spoke.

"That sounds fine." Cindy was going to thank me for this, I just knew she would. Well, maybe not, she'll probably forget to thank me, but still, she'll be thanking me internally…

I imagined what her waking face would be as Aidan walked down the hall with her in his arms. It would be an interesting mixture of surprise and pleasure. She would smile, flirt and joke with him. Cindy was so much more confident than me.

Every time I contemplated sleep, or even attempted to contemplate it, my mind found something new to worry about. Although a few of the worries were generic worries about Emma's nightmares, or Arthur's klutziness, most of them revolved around the possible stares, or glares to be exact, that I might get from Jasper tomorrow.

I thought over a thousand different conversations with him in my head. A thousand different ways for me to apologize and a million different ways for him to respond. I thought of many ways that I would never dare to apologize, things I would never have the guts to say. I thought of many that I wished I would say, but that I wasn't sure if I could.

It was so unnerving.

It was early, the sun had yet to rise, but I couldn't simply just lie in my bed, I had to get up, I had to move. I needed a change of scenery to think.

I dressed quickly, simply grabbing the first clothing items my hands could come in contact with. I quickly placed my hair into a bun and made my bed. Quickly straightening out the old sheets.

I left a note on the bed; someone would find it when they come to wake me up. I simply wrote:

_Went for walk, will be back soon_

_-Elle._

No one would worry about me. Cindy and Lin would reassure the boys I was fine, that I used to do this all the time. The forest was safe for me, I knew my way through the paths and the bushes.

I grabbed my bow off the wall and headed out. The ground felt wet under my feet, and the air was cold. The autumn breeze tickled the back of my neck, lifted my spirits.

Fall colors painted the trees. I walked in the lightening forest until I came across the familiar large rock that jetted out from the side of the cliff. It had the most beautiful view of the entire valley; you could see practically every nook and cranny of it. If you looked out on the horizon you could see for miles, nearly a hundred miles my dad had once told me.

He had been the one to show me this place, its beauty. I had once asked him:

"_Is this what God sees when he looks down at earth from heaven?" I asked my father. His answer had been similar to the answers he always gave._

"_I bet it does look a bit like this. Although, in my opinion, I think we have the better view." His voice had a joking manor about it, even though it sounded so wise._

"_Why do you say that?"_

"_Because, when god looks down at Earth he looks at what he needs to change. When we look at this valley we look at what we have, what we shouldn't change."_

I watched the sun rise as I sat perched on a rock about ten feet from the cliff's edge. Darkness ceased to light, the black turning to gray, and then a cloudless blue. I thought back to the many sunrises and sunsets I had watched here, some with the girls, some with my dad, many by myself.

When the sun had well risen and the sky was free of night I began walking back. I detoured and kept my pace slow, uneager to leave the serenity.

My heart skipped a beat and sped up frantically when I sighted Jasper pacing quickly in the main room. The others were going about their normal business, while he was acting extremely strange.

The moment I was in the room he stopped pacing and practically ran over to me.

"Why would you just leave like that?! Where were you?! You didn't even have a gun! What were you thinking?!" He was yelling and had me grasped on the top of my arms, gripping just a bit too tight.

"I went on a walk. I had my bow. Now let go." My voice was breathless and barely audible. I was defending myself when I had done nothing wrong, and his grip was still too tight.

"Do you realize what could have happened to you?!" His voice was pleading, frantic, and I was lost in his eyes. Their crystal clear blue had me frozen to the core. They were free of all anger, that emotion had been replaced by true fear and a pain I recognized, it was the pain I had been harboring these past days.

"I'm fine. Maybe we should finish this conversation somewhere else," I suggested, I wanted to talk to him alone. Plus, I knew he wasn't dangerous, but I could tell that he looked dangerous right now, and I didn't want one of the girls to do anything rash.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He pleaded as his grip tightened to a painful point. Cindy stood up to remove his hands if he didn't, and Lin was at her side. I hoped he would let go soon, otherwise he might lose both arms.

"I'm sure. Let go, you're hurting me!" He let go and I rubbed the sore areas on the top of my arms, I would have bruises in the morning.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to be alone? He grabbed you pretty hard," Cindy asked.

"When are you guys going to stop being so suspicious? He's not going to hurt her, he was just worried," Ian bitterly asked.

"I was asking Elle, you know the one who he just hurt because he grabbed her?" Cindy spat.

"I'm fine," I told her, kissing her on the cheek before looking over at Jasper and inclining my heard towards the hall that led to our rooms.

I led the way to my room and turned around to face him. I closed my eyes as the words came out in a rush. I didn't want to see his reaction for fear that it might stop me from finishing.

"I'm sorry, for the other night." I held my breath while waiting for his response. He didn't answer so I peaked out of my lids, he looked unbearably remorseful.

"You have nothing to apologize for, I was being pushy. I should have just been patient and waited." His voice reflected the remorseful expression on his face.

"You weren't, you had every right to ask. I should have been able to tell you, I shouldn't have walked away like that…" My voice broke and trailed off; tears were piling up in the corners of my eye.

"Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong." He paused, he looked so relieved. "I missed hearing the sound of your voice," he nearly whispered, it caught me off guard.

"What?"

"It was so…strange, not talking to you." He smiled as he spoke sweetly. "I was trying to give you some space, even though it drove me crazy." He chuckled softly. I was puzzled and spoke without thinking.

"So you weren't mad at me?" I asked, severally confused.

"Why would I be mad at you?" He seemed just as confused as I was.

"Because I'm a weak, horrible person who should have bee able to tell you-" He cut off my flat voiced rant.

"I wasn't mad at you."

"You looked so angry though." My voice broke towards the end.

"I was just so angry at myself for pushing you; I never thought you would assume I was angry with you. I'm sorry." His voice was full of sincerity. "Are you okay? I grabbed you pretty hard there. Sorry, I don't know what came over me."

He brushed my one arm lightly where he had grabbed me.

"I'm fine. Maybe we should change the subject. Hearing you apologize is just making me feel worse," I admitted sheepishly.

"What subject would you prefer?" He lifted his brow.

"Well the girls and I made a decision…."

"About what?" He tilted his head to the side slightly and sat down on my bed. He was sitting on my bed, a strange thing that gave me surprising butterflies in the stomach.

"We normally don't do lookout while we're here," I started to explain, he cut me off again.

"We won't let you go unguarded," he said flatly.

"We figured that much, so we made the decision that we'll do our normal rounds for two days, and then you guys can do your normal rounds for two days." He looked hesitant.

"They want us to guard alone?" His brow furrowed.

"Yes, they trust you guys. You should have heard them trying to fight over who was trustworthy," I added with a giggle.

"What did they say?" He started to smile at my laugh.

"Well, they both trusted you—I guess you're just a trustworthy person. Lin said Ian was trustworthy, she also said that she wasn't sure about Aidan. Cindy nearly bit her head off. Cindy insisted that Aidan was perfectly trustworthy. But it was even funnier when Cindy went on a full rant about how she thought _Ian_ was the untrustworthy one. In the end Cindy said that although Ian is an ass he's harmless and they agreed you all are very trustworthy." We were both laughing.

"I'll have to tell Aidan that Cindy rushed to his defense."

"Tell me his response, okay?" He smiled and stood up.

"Oh, and be sure to mention to Ian that Lin defended him heavily."

"Okay." He turned for the door. "I'm going to go tell the guys, I'll see you later."

Thank you! He wasn't mad at me! Yes!

Then of course I had to think it through. If he was still talking to me, not "if" I reminded myself, _since_ he was talking to me again there were even more possibilities. Now that there was no more awkwardness—at least there was no more than there was before—the girls and I could do more with the guys. We could show the guys my grandfather's cabin; we could show them the forest. There were so many things, so many opportunities…


	5. Chapter 4

A/N sorry I was a day late, I promise it will never happen again! Enjoy! Read and Review please!

"It's a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of."—Randy K. Milholland

**Chapter Four**

**Differences, or are they similarities? My head is so twisted and spun around.**

There was a sudden yell from the hallway, an angry scream. Loud footsteps stomped into the main room, and I gasped as I looked up at furious Ian. I almost wanted to laugh, and yet I wanted to run and grab a first aide kit.

Ian's skin was red from scratches, hives were lining his arms. His white shirt was covered in yellow pollen and his eyes were mad. He stormed over to where Aidan, Cindy and Lin were sitting. As soon as Lin saw him her eyes grew wide and she rushed over to his side.

"Who put dandelions in my bed?!" Ian yelled. I watched as Cindy and Aidan broke into a wild fit of laughter. "You know I'm allergic!"

"We know!" Cindy giggled.

At this Lin huffed in fury, stepping in front of Cindy as though to attack her.

"This. Is. War." She announced before stalking out of the room with Ian toward the kitchen, where we kept our first aide kit.

"They don't know what they've got themselves into," Aidan said confidently.

"Nope, they've got no clue," Cindy agreed, her confidence outdoing his.

"Let's go plan our next scandalous form of torture my dear," Aidan said to Cindy in an incredibly silly accent. He held out his hand to her and led her towards the hallway. "Um, Elle?"

"Yes," I answered.

"When you hear Lin scream, it's because we put a garter snake in the same cabinet as the first aide kit. No need to freak out." He spoke more nonchalantly than I thought possible.

"But she's afraid of snakes," I chided.

"That's the point." Cindy giggled as the two of them walked out of the room.

As if on cue, Lin let out a piercing scream which was followed by the banging of pots and pans and a loud yell from Ian. I ran into the kitchen to make sure it was still intact.

Lin and Ian were crouching on top of the table, pots and pans in their hands. They both had identical looks of terror and were standing back-to-back. The snake was slithering around the base of the table, and seeing as I was unafraid of snakes, and that I knew garter snakes weren't poisonous or dangerous, I grabbed the snake by the tail and walked it outside the cave.

When I walked back in Jasper was staring at me with awe. He chuckled under his breathe and said, "This cave is in danger."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean we are living on a battlefield," he answered in a grave tone before going into a loud fit of his musical laughter.

It was early, somewhere around two in the morning I guessed. I was waking up, no clue why. There was simply a change that awoke me, something different. I slowly took in the discrepancies from when I had fallen asleep as the groggy fog disappeared from my head.

The first thing I noticed was that I was warm, too warm.

I had always been a warm person, rarely needing a jacket or gloves. At night though, I had no heat. I always slept under a quilt, comforter, and sheet. I wore a long, cotton and eyelet lace nightgown that we had stolen. A normal person would have over-heated, but I usually still shivered. So the warmth I now felt was strange.

The second thing I noticed was the hot breath on the top of my head.

The third thing I noticed was the hand on my hip, lying still atop of the quilt.

The third thing was what alarmed me, not because of the fact that someone was behind me, but because of the overwhelming de j`a vu.

I slipped my hand under my pillow and pulled out the dagger I stored there, its sharp point grazing my skin as I searched for the handle. I turned rapidly and pressed the dagger to his throat. I froze as he awoke with a shocked expression. My heart spluttered out of control and shockwaves were sent through my body.

"Whoa, put the knife away Elle," Jasper said, waking up slowly.

"What are you doing in my bed?!" I asked, almost breathless. I was still frozen, I tried to move the dagger away but my hand refused to listen. I was beyond reach, too far past shock to respond.

"You were having a bad dream; you were on the verge of screaming. I was worried and was trying to comfort you, I must have fallen asleep." I focused on the differences, on the kind tone in his voice, on the fact that he was telling the truth, on the fact that I didn't feel threatened, on how safe I felt with him here.

I placed the dagger back under my pillow shakily and tried to think back on my dream. I recalled a sudden change, it had gone from that horrible night to an image of Jasper blowing raspberries on Emma's stomach. It had gone from terrifying and sickening to sweet and kind.

I turned back to Jasper, my hands shaky. I had always known that he was a comfort to me, nearly subconsciously most of the time, but until then I didn't realize how comforting his presence was. It was almost hypnotizing, the feeling of total ease just waiting on the tips of my fingers, very tempting.

"Are you okay? You look pale as a ghost," he looked me in the eye, trying to find the source of my fear.

He pulled me close, something I wasn't expecting, and put his cheek against my head. All of my fear vanished, just the way it had in my dream. I didn't have to focus on differences, because I could no longer find a single similarity.

"I'm fine." The words had never been truer, he seemed to sense that.

"Is this okay?" He moved back a little, separating us slightly. "My being here?" His tone was not one I recognized, although it seemed slightly worried.

"I don't mind. But you don't have to stay if you don't want to." I hoped he didn't hear the sad note in my voice. That must have been what he was worried about, the possibility of being stuck here with me all night.

"I'm staying unless, that is, do you want me to leave?" He didn't attempt to hide his sad tone, his anxiety for my response.

"As long as you want to stay, you can."

He pulled me back into his arms and I rested my head on his chest while he tilted his head back onto the pillow. He was unbelievably warm. At first it made me feel cold I comparison. As I laid there I warmed eventually; his warmth just made me feel even more comfortable (if that was even possible).

He moved one of his arms to his other side and curled it around something. Little Emma was cuddled up against him. I almost wanted to pinch myself; I could never have concocted a better fantasy.

I closed my eyes and focused on the moment. I could smell him, it was an earthy woody smell, almost, but it had an unnamable component to it. It was soothing, and almost intoxicating. I could feel his hot breath against my hair.

His arm held me around my lower back and his hand rested on my hip, I memorized its feeling, every feeling. I memorized the sound of his heartbeat in my ear. I memorized the sound of his breathing.

I didn't want to ever forget this moment, I didn't want to analyze it over and over in my head until the meaning was twisted and changed. I simply wanted to remember this waking dream. Jasper was lying next to me, Emma was curled against us, and I was safer than I had ever been.

In that moment I fully understood why I was so very attracted to his presence. Jasper was kind and sweet, he was reasonable and exciting. Jasper was the perfect brother for the kids, the perfect friend to the girls, the perfect leader to his brothers, and to me….well I wasn't sure what he was to me, but I was sure he did it perfectly.

"Jasper?" I whispered, wishing him to be awake and hoping he was still sleeping all at once.

"Mmh," he mumbled, only partially conscious.

"Thanks," I whispered quietly. Jasper opened his eyes to look at me in the dark room.

"For what?" he inquired with a smile.

"You guys made everything right again," I said.

"How so?"

"We thought we could survive, that we would have no problem with it just being us. And it was, we fixed up the cave, we stole enough food to get us by, we even started teaching ourselves self defense, but we were always making it one day at a time.

"At first it seemed kind of fun, we pretended it was one giant game of make-believe, and the best part was that no one was there to tell us to go to bed early. But after a while we just had to accept that it wasn't a game, that we could never go back to 'before' and that this was our reality.

"We worked hard, we made everything seem safe and fine for the kids' sake. It was hard, we were fourteen year olds raising children and we had no clue how, we just tried to give them all the comfort we had as children. As more time passed this life began to seem normal, it was just how things were.

"The hardest thing was that Cindy, Lin, and I depended _so _much on each other, we still do. We had to be each other's support and protection. It was hard, to be a parent when you needed parenting. And it still is hard.

"But now we have you. I don't know if you guys realize how much difference you have made. You guys give a _real_ sense of normality to this life, for the kids and us. We don't constantly feel as though we're hanging by strings of sanity and as though we depend wholly on each other. You guys give us someone to lean on whom we don't have to worry about burdening."

There was an odd silence, as though he wasn't sure what to say. I felt oddly silly for telling him all of that. Every word was true, and it was something he should know, but now that I had said it I almost wanted to take it back.

"I'm glad. You may not believe this, but you're not the only ones getting something out of this," he told me.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, try living with your two brothers for two straight years without ever having the chance to talk or hang out with another living soul. At least you were here with your friends, you can _choose_ friends. Brothers you're just stuck with.

"Don't get me wrong, it really wasn't that bad. Kind of cool when you got used to it; breaking an entry, stealing, visiting new places all the time. But, I don't know, we just started to feel like ghosts. We just seemed to drift from place to place without a purpose.

"But when we met you guys we were ecstatic. Not only did we manage to finally run into people we could talk to and be with, but we managed to luck out.," he explained.

"Luck out?" I smiled. I was overjoyed that they needed us, which meant they wouldn't bore of us and leave.

"You bet. You girls were the perfect people to run into. Not only are you our age, beautiful, and amazingly awesome, but between you and the kids, you give us a purpose. It's nice to have something to take care of, someone to care about." To my surprise he pulled me closer in his arms. My cheek pressed against his bare chest.

"You must be cold. Why don't you get under the covers?" I asked, noticing that he was only wearing a pair of pajama pants.

I spaced myself back from him and lifted up the blankets so that he could crawl under them. Jasper hesitated for a moment, looking as though he was torn between temptations.

"Sure, but do you think we could lose some of the blankets? You've got like a blanket, a comforter, a quilt, and sheets. I'll overheat," he chortled quietly.

"No problem," I agreed. It wasn't an issue, Jasper would keep me warm.

I quietly took off the blanket and quilt, leaving only the comforter and sheets. Jasper swiftly snuck between the sheets, carefully not to jostle Emma, and laid down next to me. He smiled and whispered "Sleep well," and I did something more forward than I thought possible.

I moved myself closer to him and pressed my cheek to his warm skin. I knew it was forward, to cuddle against him in such a way, but I didn't particularly care about the consequences. I simply drifted to sleep listening to his heartbeat with the newfound knowledge that my attraction to Jasper was much more that an attraction to safety.

When I awoke it was a decent hour and I knew what had woken me from my peaceful dreams. It was the sudden change in position. The sudden feeling of Jasper turning me towards him and protectively pulling me back into his chest. I heard the shuffle of feet and the sound of the curtain that blocked my doorway being pulled back. Gasps and other sounds of shock erupted from the hall. I heard all these sounds, but I didn't register them.

I lifted my chin up and looked at Jasper, who instinctively looked down at me and smiled.

"Sleep well?" I asked quietly, snuggling closer to him.

"Yes, you?" He was smiling, but he looked nervous.

"I slept wonderfully." It was the best night of sleep I had ever had.

"Guess we know where Jasper disappeared to," Aidan muttered, just loud enough for me to hear. I blushed when I found that we had an audience. Aidan, Cindy, Lin, and Ian were all watching Jasper and me.

Lin's mouth hung open and Ian was staring at Jasper, confused. Aidan looked strangely smug and appreciative, while Cindy's eyes were filled with mischief.

"We'll talk about it later," Cindy said quickly as she shuffled everyone out and winked at me as she closed the curtain.

Jasper chuckled quietly and gave me a quick squeeze.

"I think it's time to get out of bed and do something productive," I said.

"Sleeping is productive," he pointed out. I liked him more and more every time he spoke.

"It is," I giggled foolishly. "But it sounds like I need to discuss something with the girls."

"It doesn't seem that important, otherwise Cindy wouldn't have offered to talk about it later, right?" His voice was slightly strange.

"Wrong." I sighed; Cindy wouldn't have bugged us even if the forest was on fire and threatening to kill us all. "I better go talk to them."

"I'll leave so you can get dressed." He sounded even stranger as he stood up and stretched, I wondered if I had said something wrong.

"See you later?"

"Of course." He smiled at me and walked out the door.

I dressed quickly, eager for some girl talk with Cindy and Lin. They were both whispering avidly in the main room when I walked in. They flashed _wide_ smiles at me and motioned me over.

"We'll talk about it later." Their faces dropped. "So what did you want to tell me?"

"We're short on first aide supplies," Cindy said grimly, she was mad at me.

"Who fell?" I practically groaned.

"The only person, other than you, who falls," Lin said, almost as grim sounding as Cindy.

"Arthur. Is he okay?" I was starting to get a little worried.

"He's fine, Lin patched him up. It was just a bad scrape. We were lucky it wasn't worse though, we didn't have a very good stock of supplies." Cindy was still grim.

"So we'll leave tonight and steal some supplies from the closest town," I decided.

"I'll stay with the guys and kids," Lin said; I expected as much. Lin never really enjoyed going "sneaking" with Cindy and me.

I motioned over to Jasper who was standing in the edge of the hall. He walked over, followed by Aidan and Ian. They formed a loose semicircle around the three of us.

I fought back the urge to laugh as they crossed their arms at the same time, with the same serious face. I fought back the laughing even harder when I realized that Cindy, Lin, and I were all standing with our weight slightly shifted onto our back leg, and that we all had our arms crossed too, I had never noticed how in sync we were.

"Cindy and I are leaving tonight to go on a small "sneak" to get some first aid supplies. We should be back in three to six days."

"No!" The three of them said in unison.

"We'll be fine," I assured them.

"What if something happens to you?!" Aidan exclaimed, Jasper was glaring at me.

"Nothing will happen," Cindy countered, she looked almost offended.

Jasper pointed to the hall and walked over to it. I followed, as soon as we were out of earshot he looked me in the eye and started talking. We did this every so often, in a sense we were both the leaders of our separate halves of the group, so it was nice to just talk alone sometimes.

"I refuse to let anything happen to you." He was stern, but I was in a stubborn mood.

"I'm going."

"Then so am I," he countered, being just as stubborn as me. "I don't know what I would do if something happened to you." His voice turned pleading.

"Fine, but you'll do this our way."

"Deal." He seemed desperate.

We walked back into the room and Cindy looked like she was both peeved and absolutely pleased, a strange mix.

"Aidan insists on going with us." Ah, I got it.

"So does Jasper." She gave me a meaningful look, another thing I had to give her details on, great.

"So the _four_ of will leave just after sundown," I said, my voice sounding slightly strange.

"Elle, I think now would be a great time to use the contacts." Cindy's voice was full of mischief.

"I think now is the _perfect_ time to use the contacts," I agreed with a smile.

"What contacts?" Ian asked, irritated by our inside knowledge.

"Lin's uncle was a costume designer for movies. One year for Halloween Lin and I dressed up as twin vampires. Her uncle gave us black contacts.

"When we ran off we grabbed them because they were the same shade of black that the infected's irises turn. We've used them before, and they work beautifully." I explained, it was strange, having to explain these things, when I'm so used to being surrounded by people who already know all of this.

"How do you use them?" Jasper wondered aloud.

"We wear a turtle neck shirt and put them in. Then we just walk into a store and buy what we need." Cindy was talking to him like he was incompetent.

"That's dangerous!" Aidan nearly yelled.

"We'll talk about this later." I was exasperated; I was not used to all of this fighting, well yes I was, Cindy and Lin fight all the time, I just wasn't used to this kind of fighting.

"We'll do it your way, I promise," Jasper whispered in my ear, I could feel his hot breath on my skin. Cindy shot me a meaningful glance. I decided to throw her a bone and flirt, just a little.

I leaned up so I could reach. But even on my toes I couldn't reach, so he instinctively leaned down the appropriate amount. My lips grazed against his skin and I fought hard not to blush. "Thank you." I cutely turned my back to him and walked out of the room and into the kitchen, followed by Cindy. I was bright red.

"You should have like, kissed him on the cheek or something," she lectured. Lin walked in.

"Did you just try to flirt?" She giggled.

"Yes I did." I was turning an even brighter red.

"Well it was pathetic," Cindy teased. "Now, tell us why he was in your bed." Her voice was full of implications.

I explained in detail, as to their demand, everything that occurred. They occasionally interrupted me with a silly girly question (Lin) or with a comment on how I should have reacted (Cindy). When I told them my response to whether or not I wanted him there they both looked at me like I was an idiot. When I finished they both couldn't contain themselves.

"That is so cute!" Lin yelled at the same time Cindy was yelling. "He likes you!"

I shook my head.

"You are both absurd, I'm sure he just likes me as a friend."

"Are you joking?" Cindy asked in disbelief. She was staring at me as if I was a complete mental retard, utterly incompetent.

"No, look he hasn't done anything that a friend wouldn't have done." They both thought about that.

"True, but a friend doesn't look at a friend the way he looks at you," Cindy pointed out. I shook it off and ignored the comment.

"We should probably go pack Cindy." She wasn't finished lecturing me on Jasper, but I was finished listening to it.

"You're right." Lin agreed, she obviously saw I was done and was urging Cindy to back off. Cindy took the hint and walked out of the room to pack. I waited a minute and followed her example.

There was a loud yell from the back of the hall, and a fit of cussing. I knew it was Cindy, and ran back to her room. My heart was pounding in my chest loudly, beating in my ears and my head.

Cindy was fuming when I ran in. Her room was only a slightly smaller than mine, but was obviously Cindy's. The two sets of outfits she was packing for the trip along with her backpack—which was always stocked with a few blankets, necessities, and non-perishable food items—were strewn out across her unmade bed.

"I'm going to kill them!" she yelled, following the statement with another string of cuss words that would make a sailor proud. I hoped the kids weren't too close. We tried to watch our language around them, especially Emma.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, slightly annoyed that she had worried me so much for something obviously trivial.

"Those goddamn idiots put tree sap into my good running shoes! I'm going to kill them! No more playing nice! As soon as we get back, they'll regret messing with me!" she yelled.


	6. Chapter 5

"Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another. You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk. It's your move."-Real Live Preacher

**Chapter Five:**

**Trust is such a vulnerable item **

We left the mine about half an hour after sundown and ran most of the night, the boys kept pace with us rather well, not nearly as well Cindy and I kept pace to each other, but well enough for Cindy not to complain.

We found a small cave shortly after daybreak and decided it was a good place to make camp. I took the first lookout shift, Cindy took the second, Aidan took the third and Jasper took the fourth.

I didn't feel tired at first, so I stayed up and talked to Cindy.

"You should flirt a little more," she whispered to me, her gaze on sleeping Jasper.

"No," I answered flatly.

"Why not?" She knew something was seriously bugging me. I couldn't lie to her without her knowing, so I settled on the truth.

"He's so nice, that kind of guy could never be interested in me." My voice was pained.

"What the hell kind of guy do you think _could _be interested in you?" She was becoming agitated.

I hesitated to answer. All day while we were running I had time to think about what was going on between Jasper and I, and the conclusions I had started to come to were frightening. I didn't want to say them aloud; it would make me feel as though they were true.

"What if the only kind of guy that I could ever deserve, that could ever actually want me could be someone like…" I stopped immediately, realizing just how horrible the thought was, saying it aloud made it seem as though I agreed with it, and I did, but Cindy would throw a fit if she knew that.

"Like who?" I wouldn't answer, and she became more agitated. "Like who?!"

"Simon." My voice was almost inaudible, and full of shame. After the initial shock that I would say his name aloud faded, the fit came and she started yelling in whispers.

"NO!" She grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "Don't you ever say that again! Don't you ever even think that! You did not deserve that! You deserve someone amazing!

"There are tons of single guys and even some guys who aren't single who would love to have you for theirs! Guys a million times better than Simon! Don't you ever think otherwise! EVER!"

I silently listened to her rant (ignoring the fact that she seemed to casually forget that there were truly very few male immunes my age) until the very end, wishing I could believe it. She finished and waited for my response, I didn't have one. I looked over at Jasper, his breathing wasn't as rhythmic as normal, and he looked slightly tense. I started to wonder if he was still asleep. Cindy waited for my response, I still didn't have one. So I simply nodded. She pulled me in tight and gave me a bear hug.

When she pulled away her mood was impeccably lighter and smiled. "Let's go wake up Jasper. My shift's over."

We walked over and gently nudged him. He woke up easily and didn't seem groggy. My suspicion was growing; something was off in his step.

Cindy and I started walking to our make-shift bed when Jasper wrapped his arm around my wrist and stopped me, confirming my fear that he hadn't been asleep during the conversation. _Lucky me_. This was not what I wanted to deal with know, I didn't want to face Jasper.

"Sit and talk?" he asked with a smile that didn't reach his blue ice eyes, not wasn't even close.

"Sure." I didn't feel like I had much of a choice.

We sat down a few feet apart and he fiddled with his fingers. We sat in silence for a few moments, I didn't feel like starting up a conversation, and from the look on his face Jasper had something important to say to me.

"Who's Simon?" His voice was strange.

"No one," I said flatly, uneager to return to this subject.

"Liar."

"Why does it matter?" My voice had more acidity than intended.

"Why does it _matter_? Maybe because it's important enough for you to not want to tell me! Maybe because Cindy threw a fit when you mentioned him! Maybe because I'm just curious!" He was raising his voice, although it was never above a whisper. He was angry, and that hurt.

"I'm done talking tonight. I'm going to bed." My voice was full of pain.

We all slept well, even though I was cold. I didn't complain though. Cindy was using my stomach as a pillow, and I was resting my head on my arm. It was early morning and I had awoken before anyone else. Jasper was sitting on watch, silent, thinking we were all asleep probably.

My eyes were closed, and I probably looked asleep, even though I wasn't. I slowly opened my eyes. Jasper met my gaze and smiled, which was strange after last night's tension. I tried to move Cindy off of me, but she awoke when I stirred. As she awoke she _accidentally_ bumped Aidan, waking him up.

We packed up quickly and began running again. We ran all day and camped out that night, Jasper asked me once about Simon, I completely ignored him. I slept coldly again without complaining, and we ran all the next day, we knew we were close so we kept running into the night.

About halfway through the night we came across a small city. We scouted out a pharmacy and started planning. The plan was simple, walk in, pay, and walk out. I started planning what to do if anything went wrong.

"If you're confident in your plan then why are you making a backup plan?" Aidan asked in confusion.

"I'm being thorough," I said flatly, I wasn't used to my methods being questioned, and I didn't like it.

"You're being a worry wart, a backup plan is unnecessary." He announced, my face turned sour, and so did Cindy's. I had planned to just ignore the comment, Cindy had another idea.

"If she wasn't as thorough as she is then we wouldn't have lasted this long. If you're going to come with us on these 'trips' then you'll do what she says, when she says it. I respect her judgment, and so should you." She sounded pissed and extremely serious.

"Okay." Aidan's voice was quiet; he obviously hadn't expected this kind of reaction to his comment. "You'd think I shot her or something," he muttered.

I finished planning; making sure everyone was clear on every minute detail of the plan and pulled the contacts out of my bag. I handed a pair to Cindy and we went off out of sight to change.

When we came back we were in sleeveless turtleneck tops that hugged to us. Cindy was wearing tight skinny leg jeans that played up her extremely long legs. I was wearing Daisy Dukes, which showed off my long legs. For my body size I had rather long, skinny legs, compared to Cindy's they were short, but for my body they were long.

Our ankle length black leather high heeled boots crunched the gravel beneath our feet. Aidan's mouth dropped when he took Cindy in. With her blonde hair flowing out, her gorgeous outfit, and her dramatic walk, she looked deadly.

Jasper looked very strange, maybe he didn't like how I looked. My long, light brown curls were down and flowing, my outfit, too, looked wonderful, and I looked deadly also. Not as deadly as Cindy, but deadly enough to get a reaction out of Jasper obviously.

"Let's go," I said to Cindy. We walked off and started talking casually as we started getting close to the pharmacy so as to ease our growing nerves.

"Now, remember, they show no emotion. Talk monotone, don't say please or thank you. Look them in the eye, and don't laugh!" That's how she almost ruined it last time.

"Okay, so be boring and rude. I can handle that." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Aidan about passed out when he saw you," I told her. She smiled.

"I know, it was the reaction I was hoping for." She paused and then got a mischievous look in her eyes. "Jasper was speechless; he couldn't stop staring at you." This stunned me.

"What?" She laughed at my confusion.

"You didn't notice?" She was incredulous.

"I noticed he was looking at me strangely."

"He was gawking. Why do you notice everything that's focused on other people and nothing that is focused on yourself?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"You know as well as I do that I tend to see the small details and the big picture; I tend to miss the obvious details though."

"That's why you have Lin and I to point out the things you miss, just like you always point out the minute details to us," she concluded. We stopped talking and walked into the pharmacy.

It was heavily air conditioned and gave me the urge to shiver, but I fought it off. We walked directly over to the first aide supplies and put them in the basket Cindy had grabbed.

I grabbed a large load of bandages, gauze, disinfectant, and antibacterial. The cart was filled to the brim and I fought off the silly thought of how long these would last, which, between Arthur and I, wouldn't be long.

We walked to the counter and placed our items on top of it. The store was so quiet and barren that the small sound seemed to echo.

"Did you find everything easily?" The man at the cash register asked flatly, looking me straight in the eye.

"Yes." It was hard to make my voice as flat as is his, but I managed.

"Forty-seven dollars and fifty two cents."

I handed him exact change. We had stolen the money about a year and a half ago. The money I handed him was pretty much the last of it, but we could always steal more.

He took the money, handed me my receipt, and we walked out of the store, carefully working not to check behind us every few seconds like criminals.

Once we were out of the store and into the woods that surrounded the city we both started giggling uncontrollably. We seemed to feed off of each other's emotions. Especially when it came to laughing, there was no real way to explain it. But when one of us was laughing, the other couldn't help but start.

It didn't feel weird, it being just the two of us. It never did, it still felt right when one of us was apart from the group, it just felt more right when the three of us were together. When we ran off Katie, Arthur, and Emma became our children in a way. I still wasn't sure how the guys fit into our little family.

When we arrived back at the clearing we had set up camp in the guys looked extremely relieved, as if they hadn't taken a single breath during our entire absence. Noticing how you could practically see the paths they had paced in, I took it my guess was pretty close.

"You guys look tired." Aidan pointed out, he was right, we were exhausted, and so were they.

"You don't look all that awake yourself," Cindy countered.

"You've caught me, I'm exhausted," he said, fake yawning.

"I'll take the first shift," I said flatly.

"I don't think we need to do guard duty tonight. This place seems safe enough," Cindy said, trying to sound innocent, I knew better. She had something up her sleeve.

"If you say so." Aidan shrugged. Jasper looked at him disapprovingly. Then looked at me, I approved of the idea, and he saw that. What he couldn't see, hopefully, was that I approved because I couldn't force myself to feel unsafe with him here.

Jasper pulled me off to the side and whispered in my ear.

"Who's Simon? Please, just tell me." I walked away, it was rude, but I couldn't think of any other reaction I would possibly want to give.

That night I couldn't sleep, whether it was because of the tension between Jasper and I, or it was because I was thinking about telling him who Simon was. I was trying to talk myself both out of it, and into it, all at the same time. It was an interesting internal conversation. I sat up and stared at the stars while I pondered.

Then he was behind me, it startled me at first, but when I saw that it was Jasper I started to become seriously exhausted. I tried to ignore him.

"Just tell me." His voice was flat.

"No." My voice wasn't flat like I had intended, it was exhausted.

"Yes." I resisted the urge to continue the "yes, no" fight.

"You promised you wouldn't push me! You said you would be patient!" I spat out, realizing afterwards that I had just given him information I still wasn't sure I had been ready for him to have.

"What are you talking about?" His brow furrowed in sudden confusion.

I decided to continue instead of just leaving him in confusion, although I did consider it. "You promised you would wait until I was ready to tell you about this." He suddenly understood. Emotions crossed his face, some relief, some horror, some regret, then I saw a flash of anger, he hid it quickly, but not before I was aware of its presence.

"Why didn't you just tell me? I would have backed off." Regret was the emotion that played in his voice and on his face. I answered his question with a question of my own. The question was the kind of question, the kind of thought, I had often.

"Would you have wanted to back off though?" I didn't wait to hear his answer. "You wouldn't have." I took a deep breath.

"Cindy and I were out 'sneaking' when we came across them. I didn't like them, at all. Something about them was off; they didn't make Cindy or Lin very comfortable either.

"I told them I didn't think it was a good idea to let them stay with us, but to the girls they were other humans, other company. They never doubted my judgment again." My voice was kind of quiet, but I was afraid that if I wasn't careful, I might lose my nerve and never finish explaining.

"As time passed we started to dislike them more and more. We all saw the signs, but, I never thought they would…" I shook my head. "At first it started out with small things, like staring at us. Over time it became more, touches, flirting. Everything changed when I woke up one morning to find that Simon was asleep next to me in my bed." I couldn't help but look at his face as realization hit, he looked horrified. "He claimed he came in to check on me and fell asleep." I nearly spat.

"We hid our worry from them, blaming the fact that Cindy and I would be sharing a room on the need for storage. We claimed that Emma's nightmares were the reason that Lin moved in with the kids.'

"One night when they were supposed to be on guard they snuck into our room." I struggled to speak, struggled to find the words as I began to sob. Jasper looked as if he wanted to comfort me, but he was frozen. "They came so close to raping us. Lin shot them when she heard the noise and ran in.

"She wasn't shooting to kill. She got each of them in the leg. We haven't seen them since. We've all been hoping that they died of an infection or something along those lines."

"You mean to tell me that those bastards are still wasting air?!" He practically yelled. He was enraged, but he quickly stilled it, tucking away the anger in a tiny box in the back of his head.

He took me in his arms and I buried my face in his chest and sobbed. He rested his cheek against the top of my head and whispered in my ear. I felt so relieved that he knew now, so relieved to have him comforting me. This was what I wanted from the very beginning, someone who wasn't just as scarred as me to wrap their arms around me and make it all better.

"Thank you for telling me. I understand now." His soothing whisper became strained and his expression flashed to the anger I had seen earlier.

"The other night you said that he was the only kind of guy that could ever like you. Come on, that's stupid." His voice became gentle, a change from the disgusted tone it had been taking.

"I want you to know that you were wrong. On every level." He changed the subject, and his voice became hoarse. "The fact that you were able to let us join you is amazing. We must have brought back horrible memories…" I shook my head and cut him off.

"No, you didn't bring back memories, not at all." It was mostly true; he could see the slight lie in my eyes though.

"How could we not have? We too found you on a 'sneak'. We too took an interest in you girls. I too was found lying next to you in your bed." His voice was strained and he was unwrapping his arms from me as if he was suddenly worried his touch wouldn't be comforting.

I shuddered. It was unbearable to hear him compare himself to them, to Simon. I kept myself pressed against his chest and spoke in a voice that was more fit for someone begging for their life.

"No, you guys are nothing like them. _You _are _nothing _like Simon." He clenched his jaw at the name. "You are sweet, kind, thoughtful, trustworthy, and respectful. When I'm in your arms,"—I nestled closer to him—"I feel safe and warm. I'm comfortable."

He seemed almost alarmed at my pleading tone, at the tears running down my cheeks. He immediately wrapped his arms back around me and began rubbing circles on my back. When he whispered to me I could feel his hot breath on my skin, so close I could nearly feel his lips press to my ear.

"I promise I would never hurt you, that I would never do that to you. I promise." Why would he think he had to tell me that? Couldn't he see that I already knew?

"I know that," I said as my brow furrowed in confusion. He sighed in relief.

"Good." He held me tightly as the tears flowed, not letting go when they eventually stopped. He whispered comforting words until we both fell asleep.

When I awoke I was still in his arms and it was early morning, I could tell by the lack of deep soothing rhythm in his breaths that he was awake. I considered pretending I was still dreaming, so that I could make the moment last. But I opened my eyes instead.

"Good morning," he said to me. He didn't whisper so I assumed that Cindy and Aidan weren't asleep. I lifted my head to look up and saw them sharpening their knives in the corner.

Cindy turned her head and flashed a smile at me. I sighed and looked up at Jasper.

"I need to go talk to Cindy." He nodded his head and released his grip on me. I stood up and walked into the forest, motioning Cindy with my right hand to join me. She did. I took a deep breath.

"I told him," I muttered quickly. She looked as though she had expected as much and smiled at me.

"I figured that much. I also figured that I should tell Aidan, seeing as I would rather have him hear it from me than Jasper, so I told him, he took the news well. How did Jasper take it?" My eyes widened, she told Aidan? He took it well?

"You told him?" She nearly laughed at my raised brow and confused gaze.

"Yes, I told him. So, are you going to tell me? How did Jasper take it?" she prodded.

"Fine," I muttered, still stunned. She shook her head at my lack of explanation. "What was Aidan's exact reaction?" I tried to sound enthusiastic, she didn't buy it, but she went along with it for my sake.

"First he looked like he wanted to punch a wall, then he calmed down and held me in his arms." She wrapped her arms around her body. "It was amazing. He smelled wonderful and he was so warm." She giggled and left my side to rejoin the guys.

So now they both knew, there were no secrets between us. At that I realized how silly it was of us not to just tell them in the beginning. But, better late than never, so at least they finally knew. Now that they did know, what would happen? Would things change? I wasn't sure, but I was positive that things wouldn't become worse. At this point, I felt like there was only up from here.


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: I really hope you like this chapter, it's mostly...fluff. I think that's the right word. The story will pick up in the next few chapters. Please R&R. Seriously, even if you're just telling me about a typo or grammatical error. I love feedback of all kinds**.

"I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers - turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night!" ~Author Unknown

**Chapter Six:**

**She loved him like a fat girl loves a hamburger; the love was unnecessary and unneeded. Whether or not he was healthier for her than the hamburger was for the fat girl, well, that is undecided.**

We packed up and ran for the entire day. Cindy decided we didn't need guards tonight, again, and again with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. The guys fell asleep fast and I was about to do the same when Cindy whispered in my ear.

"Go cuddle with Jasper." I turned to her in confusion. She took in my reaction and sighed.

"Uhg. Watch me and do what I do."

She walked over and kneeled down next to sleeping Aidan. She laid her head on his chest and made herself comfortable. Aidan acted on reflex and wrapped an arm around her as he continued to sleep deeply.

"Now you," she whispered.

"No."

"If you don't I'll tell Jasper your real name," she threatened.

"You wouldn't dare." I glared at her.

"Yes I will Giselle Beatrice Arista." Damn, she would tell. Cindy closed her eyes after one last glance at me.

I looked over at Jasper and sighed, I knew I could never be that bold. I wanted to be, it would be amazing to fall asleep in his arms again. I looked over at Cindy enviously; she was falling asleep on Aidan's chest. Cindy was so brave, so bold, and I often wished I could be that way too. But since I was obviously not, I watched as Jasper slept and waited for unconsciousness. I could see his chest rising and falling with his breath.

When we awoke Aidan looked both extremely pleased and extremely surprised to find Cindy in his arms. She seemed pleased by his reaction and smiled at him often. Once again, I was envious. Aidan so obviously returned Cindy's feelings for him.

Jasper seemed every so slightly down. He was quieter than normal and when he smiled at me it didn't quite reach his eyes. I hoped he would get over it; I didn't like seeing him upset, even in the slightest way. I wondered suddenly, if he was envious too. I quickly shoved the thought aside as foolishness.

"Coward," Cindy whispered bitterly in my ear. I ignored her and began the run.

We ran well through the day and into the night, arriving at the mine near one o'clock in the morning. I was tired and my legs felt like jelly. I wasn't too tired to notice that Lin was asleep nestled in Ian's chest in the main room. Ian watched us walk in and put a finger to his lips in order to remind us to make as little noise as possible.

I walked into my room, changed into my cotton and eyelet lace nightgown that was floor length. In reality it was one of the only two nightgowns I owned. Both the nightgowns were identical and the same white color. We had stolen them on a "sneak"; I loved them. They were comfortable and pretty.

I snuggled next to Emma and pulled the large comforter over my body, rolling myself into a ball. It felt nice to sleep on a mattress again instead of the hard ground, but—and I quickly shunned the thought—I would trade my mattress any day to fall asleep in Jasper's arms.

I dreamt I was running with nowhere to go. I kept thinking someone would find me, but no one ever came. I remember that I stopped running. The land became barren and my vision turned to black and white. I couldn't recall anything else, but I remember feeing strangely lonely and horribly shaken.

When Emma and I walked out into the main room the next morning Cindy was sitting on Aidan's lap while Lin was lying down with her head against Ian's knee. Quite apparently Lin and Ian had become rather cozy during our absence.

Ian quickly opened his eyes at the sound of our footsteps, reflexively reaching down to Lin. When he saw it was just us, and not a threat, he gently shook Lin awake. She gazed up at him and smiled before shifting her body towards us. Ian rose to his feet and held out a hand to her aide. Things had changed immensely between them, I could see that.

Lin was rather shy, but quite outspoken at the same time, and her emotions were often only visible to the trained eye. But she was wearing her heart visibly for all to take note of and Ian was acting similar. I didn't know what had occurred to force this change, but I both rejoiced it and begrudged it.

Lin would have fallen for Ian just for the pure fact that he showed interest in her and was kind, but she had done more than fallen. Lin was completely on cloud nine, and I envied her. Jasper and I danced around each other, and I still was not convinced that he viewed me as more than a friend.

"Good morning," I said while fighting back a yawn.

"To you also," yawned Aidan.

"Hey Aidan?" Ian asked.

"What's goin' on mah bro?" Aidan replied, once again in an unfamiliar accent.

"Do you think I can have that book I lent you back?"

"Sure, let me go get it."

Aidan walked to his room and shortly returned with a tattered book and furious look upon his face. I could tell by Ian and Lin's grins that this was another prank, and I could tell by Aidan's face this was going to be a battle.

Aidan was a relatively easy-going guy. He didn't get angry often, and didn't get upset easily. Aidan made jokes, teased people, and was never without a witty remark or idea of revenge. In fact, the only time I knew of him becoming angry was when Cindy first told him about Simon and Louis.

"Is there a reason my room smells like rotting fish?" He was seriously pissed. Cindy walked to him and stood at his side with her arms crossed, awaiting the same answer Aidan was.

"Rotting fish? Good guess!" Lin laughed.

"Where did you hide the rotting fish in my room?" Aidan asked through a tight jaw.

"You'll have to beat it out of me," Ian dared.

Aidan ran at Ian and smashed him to the floor. The boys rolled around on the ground, arms and legs flailing. The boys would cuss loudly when the other brother landed a kick in the ribs or managed to hit them in the face. They yelled incomprehensibly and threw many punches.

"Should we be worried?" Lin asked.

"You should be, Aidan's going to kick his ass," Cindy informed her as though it was a fact.

"Want to bet? Ian's going to completely cream him!" Lin exclaimed defensively.

"_Sure he is_," Cindy's voice was full of mocking sarcasm.

"Oh shut up, you know that Aidan's a baby!"

"Excuse me?" Cindy was furious.

"He. Is. A. _Baby_." Lin annunciated each word so as to get her point across. Wonderful, I was raising seven kids now.

Cindy pounced at Lin, and I had to act quickly. While in the process of pulling them off of each other I managed to get clawed and shoved to the ground. When I finally forced them apart I was panting from effort, and Jasper (who had just walked in the room to find the battle) was holding the boys apart.

"Okay, now Ian, where did you hide the fish?" I asked, still short on breath from a blow Lin sent me in the chest during her effort to get at Cindy.

"I'm not telling!" Ian yelled, acting extremely childish. Jasper sent him a stern look.

"Yes you are! What if a bear smells that fish? What about some other wild animal? Why do you think we lock up the food in a cabinet?" My temper was at its end.

"It's under his bag in the back left corner," Ian spat, his mouth was bleeding.

Aidan stalked out of the room in a fury and returned second later with a bowl of rotting fish. The smell burned my eyes and nostrils; it lingered in the room long after Aidan had thrown it outside a considerable distance away from the cave entrance. The rotting smell slowly receded over the hours, as did the tension in the room.

Cindy and Aidan were treating Ian and Lin as though they were lepers, avoiding them like the plague. As unbelievable as it may seem, the avoidance was a heavily welcomed step above the evil glances and near fights that had haunted the first hour after the "fish-incident". The only part of the improving atmosphere was the contentment that now seeped out of Aidan and Cindy; they had planned something _big_ for revenge.

Later that day, shortly after three or four, Cindy announced that she felt absolutely grimy and wanted to go for a swim as a group, of course she also decided that the kids should stay home and hold up the fort since Emma was still finishing up her nap.

"Sounds fine to me," I agreed, as had the rest of the group. "Arthur?"

"I definitely wish you would let us come, but Katie and I'll stay and watch Emma," he answered, still hopeful that we may change our mind.

"Katie?" Cindy asked.

"I promise not to cause any trouble until you return," Katie said begrudgingly, she hated being left behind.

With that we took of leaving behind the promise of a return in time to make a late dinner. We strolled down the faint path to a small basin near the joining of two rivers with smiles plastered on our faces, we rarely had the chance to enjoy ourselves as a group without the children to set an example for, and we rarely had the chance to simply let go.

"On three," Aidan decided as we stared down at the edge of the water. "One, two" and as if on cue all three guys tackled us into the water before the preparation of "three" came.

Cindy, Lin, and I let out high pitched squeals as the cold water soaked us and the tights shorts and tank tops we were wearing. We were engulfed in water; it streamed down our faces and shocked our every nerves. Surprisingly, the freezing water and chilling moisture was pleasant and refreshing.

"You know, I have a great idea," Jasper exclaimed as he resurfaced from under the clear, river water. His chest was built, with a slight tan from his shirt. Although I'd seen it before, I still blushed slightly. He was so handsome, and seeing him with so little on was making my mind wander to unfamiliar places.

"Does your idea involve convincing the girls to skinny dip?" Aidan joked. Cindy smacked his arm. "Just kidding. Sorta." She smacked him again while Jasper just rolled his eyes.

"Let's play chicken!" Ian announced, cutting Jasper off right as he opened his mouth.

"Yes!" Lin agreed, already glancing over at Cindy with a cocky smile.

"What are the teams?" I asked. The entire group stared at me, I obviously was missing something.

"Lin and I," answered Ian with a kind sort of pity for me.

"Aidan and I, of course," Cindy announced in a very sure tone, and I realized what I had missed that was obvious to everyone else. Of course they would be partnered together, and of course I would be partnered with Jasper.

"They're _so _going to lose Jasper," I informed him confidently. I walked over to his side and pretended that it had been my intention from the very beginning to partner with him.

"Yes, they are," he agreed, pounding knuckles with me as a sign of comradeship.

The whole game was silly and amazing. In the first round Cindy knocked Lin of Aidan's shoulders after a dirty tactic, she tickled Lin right in her stomach—Lin's most ticklish point—and won gracelessly by pushing Lin back into the water as soon as she surfaced from her first fall.

In my match against Cindy I knew I would have to fight dirty and break a few rules, it eased my conscious to know that she would be planning to use the same tactic. As I boarded Jasper's shoulders I was highly aware of how I oriented myself on him so that I wouldn't fall off easily.

The fight was short, and consisted of many laughs and giggles. In the end I managed to _accidentally_ kick Aidan—causing him to lose his footing—and shove Cindy off his shoulders easily. She sorely lost and managed to pull me from Jasper's shoulders once her head was above water.

It was a rather good spot of fun, and we played several rounds more until Jasper and I were announced supreme champions and were given a large rock of jade Ian found at the bottom of the river as a grand prize. To our dismay when we looked up at the sky we could see the setting sun and decided we should change into the dry set of clothes we brought and head back to the cave before Arthur and Katie managed to destroy the mine beyond repair.

Shortly after leaving the boys we decided to have a meeting tonight, the usual, midnight in our secret meeting room.

Cindy, Lin, and I headed to a clearing separate from the boys in order to change. We each had simply brought our nightclothes, seeing as we figured it would be nearly nightfall when arrived back home to cook a late dinner. Lin had brought a pair of silky shorts and a white tank top; Cindy, a short nightgown that cut slightly too low in my opinion; I brought my usual white floor-length cotton nightgown with lace trim around the bosom.

I finished changing quickly and turned to see if the other girls had finished too. Lin was still drying off her naked body in her towel while Cindy…while Cindy was stealing her clothes!

"Cindy!" I yelled, but it was too late. Cindy was already running off, fully dressed, with Lin's clothes in her hands.

Lin turned around to grab her pajamas and looked at Cindy's fleeting figure in horror. Cindy had not only taken her dry clothes, but her wet ones as well. Lin took off in a sprint after her, struggling to cover her running figure with the towel.

"I'm going to kill you!" Lin yelled with fury.

I chased after them, hoping to be nearby when the fight started so as to stop it before there was too much blood and gore. To my horror it was not only the three of us running, and suddenly I saw Aidan and Cindy's horrendous revenge forming in my mind.

Ian yelled a very colorful set of swear words at Aidan from the distance.

The boys were running straight at us, in a very similar procession that we were in. Jasper was trailing behind just like me, awaiting the chance where his mediation would be needed, Ian chased after Aidan while clutching a small towel around him—and yelling ever more colorful words—while Aidan raced ahead of him with Ian's clothes in his arms and an evil grin on his face. To my horror—which continued to grow with each second—Aidan was running straight to Cindy.

Neither Ian nor Lin saw anything but their fleeing clothes and dignity, and neither of them responded to my yells or warning. Shortly after Aidan and Cindy passed each other with identical grins Ian and Lin smashed into each other forcefully.

For a long moment neither of them dared even breathe, both frozen in embarrassment and horror. When they finally moved they were desperately coving themselves with their towels and were untangling themselves from each other. They blushed fervently and Ian offered his hand to Lin so as to help her to her feet.

She refused his outstretched hand and stood up on her own, staring at the ground as she apologized with a hoarse "s-s-sorry" and snatched her clothes from Cindy's stationary hands. Ian watched as she left to change without once looking back at him.

"That was too far Aidan!" bellowed Ian once Lin was long out of sight and his voice had apparently returned.

"I don't think so," Cindy disagreed, but Ian didn't seem to hear her.

"What if she never looks at me again?!" he yelled with fury.

"Oh, she'll look at you. And she'll know what's_ underneath," _Aidan snickered. "It's okay, size doesn't matter."

And that was it; that was Ian's breaking point. He smashed his fist straight into Aidan's jaw, grabbed his clothes, and stormed away to dress. He left us all standing there in shock, in utter silence. Aidan was no longer grinning.

Amazingly enough, as the evening passed, it was as though the horrible prank had never occurred. Lin acted no differently than she ever did, and Ian slowly began to stop walking on glass around her. Cindy and Aidan seemed disappointed that their prank had no lasting effect, but Aidan seemed to wear the darkening bruise across his jaw as a trophy of his revenge.

I figured that the reason Lin made no huge commotion about the ordeal was because she was too far past embarrassed. She must have simply wanted to pretend that it never happened and that it had all been some horrible, atrocious, discomforting nightmare.

Late that night, after we were all in the meeting room, I turned to Lin and asked the question that had been burdening me since we first cane back from our "sneak".

"So, what happened with you and Ian? What happened to make you guys like this? I crossed my fingers to show how close they had grown in the small period of time.

I watched her carefully in the bright light of the kerosene lamp, watched as her cheeks turned scarlet. There it was again—her heart—so apparent in her quiet giggle of embarrassment.

"Well, I actually lost patience and took a gamble. We both made excuses to spend time together, we both flirted and smiled. It was distracting, and absolute insanity. It drove me crazy that he wouldn't do anything farther than hold my hand or stare at me. Then it struck me. I realized he was waiting for me to make the first move.

"I was scared out of my mind, but I was simply past impatience. I walked over to him and kissed him, just like that. It was the most amazing thing, I wasn't sure I ever wanted to stop. When Ian finally pulled back to look at me I said 'Are you happy now? I made the first move'. He smiled and kissed me again. We fell asleep looking at the stars, then you guys were back." Her story was more than I expected, Lin must care for him very deeply to put her heart out for him to see before he showed her his.

"Now if Elle had just cuddled with Jasper we would be one big happy family." Cindy announced bitterly as she joined us. I shot her a stern glance.

"What?" Lin was confused. Cindy explained, embellishing in parts.

"You're even more of a coward than me." Lin mumbled. I stormed out of the meeting room, forgetting a lamp or flashlight.

I steeped with anger and hurt as I fumbled through the dark to my room. Their words hurt me, though I knew they should not. I truly wished that I was the type of person who would have wrapped myself around Jasper's sleeping figure. I simply wasn't though. I was cowardly, and was too careful to make risks with something as important as my heart.

In that instant I was worried, how deeply had I fallen already? Jasper and I may very well never be anything more than friends, I had to remember that. I couldn't fall so deep that I would be unable to climb back to the surface. It was too important that they stayed with us for me to mess things up.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: I really hope you like this chapter. Please R&R. Seriously, even if you're just telling me about a typo or grammatical error. I love feedback of all kinds. This chapter is a bit shorter, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.**

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." -Rita Mae Brown

**Chapter Seven:**

**One of these days I'm just going to murder Cindy!**

A week or two passed without event, and our group became closer and closer, one unit, a family. We shared our stories and made new ones to tell. Although, I didn't think I'd ever tell anyone about how I fell at the river giving myself a long cut and Jasper a small panic attack when he noticed later that day.

But other than my clumsiness, there seemed to be nothing to spoil our growing affection and comradeship. The guys had stopped insisting on guard duty while we were at the cave. We started to fall into a rhythm, and nothing seemed abnormal anymore—even the still-continuing prank war had become a part of the life we welcomed.

Tonight we were enjoying ourselves, sharing old stories that the children probably knew by heart and the guys had yet to hear. We had shared the infamous story of the first camping trip we had taken—a _horrifying_ story that consisted of killer mosquitoes, wild animals, and a lighting storm, all while being trapped there by the rest of our Girls Scout troop—and had now moved on to requests from the children.

Cindy told Katie's favorite story with enthusiasm. "So we were about thirteen and we were at our picnic bench eating ice cream, Lin had vanilla, I had chocolate chip cookie dough, and you had what kind?" She asked me.

"Chocolate with peanut butter swirl." I reminded her with a laugh.

"Okay and Elle had peanut butter swirl. We were laughing about some blonde joke I had found on the internet." Cindy, beautiful, _blonde_, Cindy, loved blonde jokes.

"Which one was it?" Lin interrupted to ask.

"The one where she died because she took off her headphones and the music had been reminding her how to breathe. Now can I get back to the story?" She asked in frustration.

"Yes." Lin giggled.

"Okay, so where was I… oh yeah. So we were sitting there laughing when Tommy walked up with Henry and Luke and they looked at us and Luke said 'I'll have the tall one' and Henry said 'I'll have the smart one, guess that leaves you with the pissy blonde doesn't it Tommy?

"I laughed because we all knew that all three of them were secretly in love with pissy me. So I told them 'Last time I checked we weren't items to be claimed. So get a life and get lost.' They looked at me and laughed so I reminded them that when I tell them to do something I'm making a demand, not a request.

"When they ignored the warning and started flirting with us we left. Later that night we saw them at the pool and set up a trap. I won't give away our secrets, but in a very short period of time they ended up losing their swim trunks."

We all broke out laughing and Lin went on to tell another infamous Tommy story.

I could hear Emma's breathing, could feel it against my chest. It was rhythmic, slow, and soft. She was asleep. I excused myself and scooped her up into my arms and cradled her against my breast.

I laid her on the bed and changed quickly before I curled myself around her, tucking her head under my chin and wrapping my arms around her.

Not wanting to have to feel around for the comforter I opened my eyes. I glanced by the doorway to see Jasper walking by, he stopped at my doorway and when he noticed I was still awake he waved to me and whispered. "Goodnight."

I waved back and he turned to walk away. He stopped abruptly and looked down at someone; I craned my neck to see who it was. I didn't have to crane very far, or for very long, because Cindy walked into the center of my room. She looked _very _determined.

She looked over at Jasper and pointed to me. "You like her." Oh crud, this was bad, this was really bad. She looked over at me and pointed at Jasper, which was _not_ good. "You like him." This was _really _bad. "Do something about it you cowards!"

AH! I might never forgive her for this!

She smiled and walked out of the room and down the hall. I followed her with a fury and grabbed her by the shoulder, turning her to face my panicked face.

"What the hell?! How could you do that to me?! What if he just wants to be friends?! What if he doesn't like me at all?!" Tears started to run down my cheeks, I didn't even bother to wipe them away.

"Do you like him?" Cindy asked. It was a silly question, and I refused to answer it. I didn't have to though; she knew all too well that I wouldn't be this worried about how he felt, about what he wanted. "Then trust me Giselle Beatrice Arista. He. Likes. You. And if you don't believe me, then ask him yourself." She reached out her arm to point. I turned my body and followed her gaze.

Jasper was still standing in my doorway. Within perfect earshot of the conversation Cindy and I just held.

_OH #*$!_

_ #*$ #*$ #*$ #*$ #*$ #*$ #*$ !_

Cindy left for her room, probably in an attempt to give us some privacy, but little did she know, or knowing Cindy she _did _know, that the last thing I wanted right now was to discuss this with him.

I looked into his eyes and they were what had me convinced, the hurt, worry, and curiosity; I could have dealt with those, but the anger he was trying to hide was what convinced me to walk away.

And I did.

I walked out of the hall and hid behind a wall. I crouched down low and hugged my knees close to me, burrowing my face into my nightgown.

Then he was kneeling down in front of me. I didn't look up, or lift my head, but I could sense his presence. I could feel his hand on the top of my head, I could hear him breathe, and hear him audibly sigh when he saw my state.

"Please look at me," he coaxed. I wouldn't listen though, I had no idea how to face him, and so I simply shook my head without lifting my face from my knees. He let out another long sigh.

I wondered if you could actually die from embarrassment. "Please?" He sounded worried, which confused me a little. I shook my head again, and once again he sighed.

He removed his hand from my head and for a moment I thought he was going to leave me to my misery. Then I felt his fingers brush across my cheek and find my buried chin. He pulled my face up to look at him, I probably should have resisted, but I didn't.

"Elle, how do you feel about me?" He asked it so gently, trying hard to hide his burning curiosity.

I'm falling in love with you.

That is what I wanted to say. What I wished I could bring myself to say. What the truth was.

I had never even let myself think the words until now, but now that I had there was no going back. I would forever be hiding something from him, from everyone. It was the right thing to do though, not to push a romance that he didn't want on him. Right?

"I am fine with whatever you want. If you want to be just friends then that is fine. Really, I'm okay with…" He took his free hand and touched his fingers to my lips and shushed me.

"You didn't answer my question. _How do you feel about me_?" He urged, still gently.

"It doesn't matter," I assured him into his finger tips. His face turned down in a frown.

To compare his eyes to ice would be a contradiction, how could ice be so warm?

"You're wrong." He removed his fingers from my lips and caressed my cheek. He continued the motion down my jaw line before he slid his hand behind my neck and cupped it around the back of my head. I closed my eyes to avoid his gaze. "It does matter Elle, because I'm in love with you."

My eyes flashed open, but before I could respond any farther his lips were on mine, his hands cupped under my chin and at the back of my neck.

His lips were gentle, and so warm. He removed his hand from under my chin and slid it down my neck, brushing over my collar bone, over my shoulder, down my arm, around my waist, until it finally rested at the small of my back.

I was wrong all along. I read too far into the possibilities. I should have just told him how I felt. Cindy had been right, I should have known better than to not trust her when it comes to the opposite sex. That meant Jasper was right. He knew he was right though, cheater. I was wrong, about everything. Simon, and guys like him weren't the only men who could ever be attracted to me. A perfectly wonderful, amazing man wasn't just attracted to me, he loved me. Against all odds, we were in love.

I moved my limp hands to his chest. I slid them up his shoulders and wound my arms around his neck. I pulled myself up and pressed my chest against his, soaking in his warmth. I wanted this, I wanted to be closer than humanly possible, and he seemed to sense that, and pulled me tight, so tight that I could barely breathe, but I still wanted to be closer.

Our lips parted ever so slightly, enabling me to breathe in his warmth. I could taste his scent on the tip of my tongue.

He pulled away gently, still remaining close. Our lips were not touching, but I could still feel his warm breath on my face. I opened my eyes and saw him smile; I couldn't help but smile also.

"I love you too," I whispered. His eyes brightened and his smile widened. Then his lips were on mine again.

The kiss was still as gentle as the first, but hungrier. Our lips moved in sync, his warmth joining with me, seeping into my soul. I could feel his tongue winding with mine in a glorious dance. The kiss was short and after it softened and finally ended he just held me. He held me close. I didn't want to move, I wanted to stay there forever, in this perfect moment, a moment that I finally believed I deserved.

I fell asleep on his chest, still lying in the hall. Neither of us wanted to move. How could anyone ever want a moment like this to end?

We were awakened by the high pitched scream erupting from my room. I'm not even sure I did it consciously, but I jumped up and took off down the hall.

I pushed away the curtain in my doorway and lurched forward. Throughout all of these actions I'm not sure I even took a single breath, but as soon as I saw that Emma was in no apparent danger I drew in one quick breath.

I barely even registered the sound of people running down the hall, as I pulled Emma into my arms and began searching over every inch of her to see if she was injured in any way.

"Emma, are you okay?" I asked, not even working to hide the panic in my voice. I should have never let us stop doing guard duty, I should have never left her alone.

She shook her head no and I continued my search. She didn't seem to flinch at my touch as if she had a bruise or a tender spot. I could see no apparent blood or scratches. There

"Are you hurt?" I continued to search her as Jasper ran into the room in greater panic than I had, if that were possible.

"No." She sobbed into my chest. "I had a bad dweam."

"Oh Emma, it's okay." I comforted her as I stroked her back. I was so relieved; I shouldn't have left her alone. What if something had happened to her?

"Emma-bear?" Jasper whispered to her. It was cute that he had a nickname for her.

"Jazzy. I had bad dweam." No, I take my "cute" comment back, _that _was cute. Jazzy, it definitely had permanent nickname possibilities. Emma shifted herself in my arms so that she could look at him.

He pulled himself close to the both of us, wrapping one arm around my waist and the other around her.

"Did you forget to tell it 'boo'?" he asked, a giggle in his voice.

"It said 'boo' back." She sobbed, he laughed this time, and I couldn't help but chuckling slightly.

"That's when you punch it," he said in a very blasé manner.

"Excuse me?" I asked him.

"The kid has to learn how to take care of herself." Is he joking?

"She's three, the only self defense she needs is screaming," I said flatly, not entirely enjoying his joke. The thought of Emma punching someone was entirely absurd.

He shook his head, ending the argument at an impasse, and stroked Emma's forehead as she fell asleep in our arms. It warmed my heart to imagine this, Emma cradled between Jasper and I. It seemed so very natural to have him fit into our family so easily.

Before, I had wondered where he and the other guys fit into our family. Cindy, Lin, and I were almost like parents—although most of the times we seemed more like a cross between cool-aunts and older, bossy, siblings—and the kids had accepted that. They had adjusted, slowly, and were in some ways, still adjusting.

The guys had squeezed into our lives with such skill and ease, they became part of us so quickly, so wholly. It took the children almost no time at all to adjust to having them in our family.

Maybe the kids accepted them so quickly because we had, whereas we had taken so much longer to adjust to being more than just older siblings, I thought to myself.

They were our protectors, our brothers, our lovers; they were in a way the unique cross between the over-protective-brothers and the cool-dads to the children. I could already see that they were role models; Arthur was always watching them and imitating them, Emma couldn't keep away from them.

"Why are you always so cold?" Jasper asked in a whisper as he grabbed my free hand into his palm and wrapped his warm fingers around my icy skin. He kissed my shoulder lightly, sending jolts up my body.

"I'm not sure. At least I have you to keep me warm," I joked with a smile. It should almost startle me, how quickly we have adjusted from awkwardness to acting like long committed lovers. It didn't startle me, nothing this natural has the possibility of startling.

"Yes, you do. So get used to it," he ordered in a sarcastically stern tone.

"I already have," I muttered to myself, he heard and held me tighter at the words.

I had already become accustomed to his presence, I depended on it now. It had never felt wrong before him, but now it felt more…right. And going back to a life without him, a life that had never seemed wrong before, would feel empty and torturous.

My body had not changed temperature, or lost its ability to warm on its own. I had now become accustomed to his warmth joining mine. I would feel cold without it. I needed him here more than I ever intended.

"You look tired, you should sleep," I urged him as I noted his expression, his drooping lids and the lavender circles forming under his eyes.

"You're right, sleeping sounds like heaven right now." He yawned for dramatic effect.

Lying back onto my pillow, he pulled me down with him, carefully cradling Emma between us still. He pressed his lips to my forehead; I laid my head on his chest, listening to the lullaby of his heartbeat.


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: I really hope you like this chapter. Please R&R. Seriously, even if you're just telling me about a typo or grammatical error. I love feedback of all kinds. This chapter is a bit shorter, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.**

**Also, I had written most of this before I began posting, so from now on I won't be posting every week. I will be posting biweekly, I promise. Even if I'll be posting in half-chapters, I'll be posting. Oh, and I really hope none of you are mad about the little hiatus I took during the holidays...**

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." ~Ingrid Bergman

**Chapter Eight:**

**There are certain things that cannot be taught, cannot be forgotten, and cannot be explained. **

"I TOLD YOU SO!" Cindy and Lin both simultaneously yelled at me as I walked into the main room in the morning.

"Did anyone ever tell you that it's rude to brag?" I asked, laughing, unable to let them ruin my blissful mood.

"I can brag if I want to. Lin on the other hand has no right to. I was the one who stepped in." Cindy scoffed.

Lin hit Cindy directly in the back of the head. I giggled, usually I found their fighting horribly annoying, part of a boring routine, but at the moment all I could do was find it humorous.

"Just because I minded my own business enough not to interfere like you did…" Lin began, stopping when Cindy hit her in the stomach.

I wrapped my arms around Lin's waist and pulled her behind me. Everything seemed strange today, different, as if the cave had better lighting, or the colors had all become brighter. Instead of groaning and yelling at them to cut it out, I giggled.

"Stop it you guys!" Laughs were slid in between each word. They both fed off of my joyous mood and started laughing at their own foolishness.

"So, does this mean that you guys are …..dating?" Lin struggled for the most fitting word. Dating wasn't really right, there was no way to date here, but it was the only real point of reference we had.

I was stumped, I hadn't actually thought about the dynamics of our relationship yet. I thought about it for a moment, nothing seemed to add up. Our relationship was so different from the ones I had to use as a comparison.

"I'm not really sure." My tone reflected my uncertainness and I assumed my expression did too.

"What do you mean you're not sure? You should probably find out." Cindy sounded like she was in almost disbelief, and something in her expression made me ever so slightly defensive.

"Well what about you? Or Lin? Are you guys dating Ian and Aidan?" My attempted blow did nothing, the smug look on her face never left as she spoke.

"No, I am not dating Aidan yet. I'm at the phase where we are both trying to figure out the depths of each others feelings, we aren't, and won't, date other people, and we have come very close to kissing. Although, it's not like he really has a lot of options when it come to the seeing other people thing."

"Ian and I are at a similar point, although, we _have _kissed, and are pretty close to actually _dating_." Lin added, making sure I didn't think that she was at the exact same point Cindy was. "What about you guys? I mean, maybe you haven't actually said that you're dating, but does that description fit?" It was almost as if she was reading my mind and knew that I was having trouble naming our type of relationship.

"I'm really have no clue. I've known him for such a short period of time, and yet, I already know and have told him that I love him. We've kissed, and we've talked openly to each other. I have no clue what to call that though." Cindy's mouth was hanging open by the time I had finished speaking.

"You've kissed him? You've told him you love him? Huh?!" She practically yelled. I sighed; this was going to take a while if I had to give a detailed description of everything.

She noted my sigh and let out a sigh of her own. "Tell us everything later. Right now, you need to go find out where you and Jasper stand."

I nodded my head in agreement and walked out of the room before she could change her mind, or before Lin could object. I didn't make it far down the hall when I was abruptly stopped.

"We need to talk to you," Ian said in a serious tone. Before I could ask what was going on I was lifted from the ground. Ian was lifting by my left forearm and Aidan was lifting me by my right forearm.

"What are you guys doing? Let go! Put. Me. Down!" This was most definitely going to be bad, I just knew it. I thrashed around.

"Please be quiet, we're not going to throw you're body in the river after brutally murdering you, or anything like that," Aidan assured me.

"Fine," I said through a clenched jaw, my previous good mood finally drifting away as they carried me into the hallway area in front of Aidan's room.

The position they were standing in seemed strange, unnatural, as if they were debating whether they wanted to be intimidating or friendly; the result was a strange mix of the two. The clearing of Aidan's throat confirmed how unnatural this felt to them.

"We need to talk to you," Aidan said abruptly, before I could even ask he put up a finger to stop me and continued talking. "Jasper has been walking around all day with a smile so big that we're wondering about his sanity."

The smile upon my face was large and unexplainable. I couldn't fully comprehend why the thought made me so happy. It was just that Jasper was happy, and it was most likely because of me. I searched for the correct word; joy couldn't cover the warmth in the pit of my stomach, or could it? Could that feeling just be a level of joy I had never before experienced?

"We blame you," Ian stated bluntly, the serious expression on his face broke me and I started chortling loudly. He never changed his expression, and Aidan picked up on his mood and took on the same smooth face.

"So, are you the culprit?" Aidan spoke to me like he was interrogating a murder trial suspect.

"Yes, I guess I'm the culprit. I committed the heinous crime of making Jasper happy." I continued with the same falsely regretful tone, "Please, please don't put me in jail. I meant no harm." Aidan struggled to keep his cool demeanor, Ian on the other hand, never lost grip on his act.

"Don't worry miss, as long as your intentions are good we'll have no problems. But I do have a few questions," Ian said. I was enjoying the game; it seemed to have a serious undertone though.

"Of course sir." I kept a straight face just like him, if this was going to become a contest I was determined to win. Aidan on the other hand, had already lost.

"First, I would like to know, do you intend to play any games?" I knew he didn't mean that literally, and I was beginning to understand the undercurrent I had noticed. He wanted to know that I wouldn't hurt Jasper.

"Of course not sir." I made my voice sincere even through my act.

"You have every intention of staying with him and keeping him happy?" I had to work _very _hard not to smile.

"Of course." He lost the game. His smile was wide and kind, leaving me with no choice but to smile myself.

Aidan scooped me up and Ian grabbed hold of me also, before I knew it, I was spinning around the room while being crushed by the two brothers. It seemed strange, and yet comforting, to have been accepted so quickly. While I had them both alone though, I had a few questions myself.

"I have a few questions for you boys." They both stopped spinning me and dropped me to my feet. Ian motioned with his hand to ask away. "I need to know your intentions regarding my friends." Instead of an interrogator, like Ian had been, instead I was the—I shivered at the thought—parent talking to their children's first boyfriend.

"What exactly do you mean by that?" Aidan giggled out.

"I doubt she wants to hear what you're thinking. She just wants to make sure we have no intention of taking advantage of or hurting Cindy and Lin." Ian scoffed, looking as though he was considering hitting Aidan. When Aidan stopped laughing he looked at me, when he noted that I was serious he became serious too.

"Of course not. I would _never_ hurt Cindy." I couldn't doubt that he was sincere; he seemed horrified and almost insulted by the very notion. I turned to Ian, who wore a very kind expression.

"I could as easily hurt Lin as I could cut out my own heart." I smiled at him and hugged the both of them before walking away almost completely satisfied, almost.

"Thank you. They've been through so much, and especially after what happened with Simon and Louis, I don't think they could handle anything else." I told them, mostly to warn them of the consequences if they stepped out if line, partially to help them understand what they meant to my friends.

"I swear to God we'll never hurt them like that. Never," Aidan answered with a shudder at the very thought.

"I believe you," I assured him.

"If those two ever show there faces around here again we'll, we'll…" Ian was so furious he couldn't finish his statement, the guys had filled him in several days ago.

"Remove each and every one of their limbs and then burn them alive over and open fire. After that we'll leave the bodies for the coyotes," Aidan finished for him before leaving the room, followed by Ian.

Aidan and Ian truly cared for my friends, my sisters.

Aidan would be great for Cindy. Cindy needed a man like Aidan, someone who adored her, but for more than just her appearance. Someone who could make her laugh, keep her on her toes so she was never bored. Most of all, someone who would protect her.

Ian was perfect for Lin. Lin was always the romantic of the group, the most likely to fall in love with the first man to walk through the door. It was more than just lucky that Ian was the man to walk through. Ian was a romantic at heart, you could tell by his poetic choice of words when he spoke about her. He would love her and cherish her. He would keep her safe.

I could imagine their futures, peaceful and joyous…

It was at that moment I tripped. My face headed straight for the ground and I could feel my knees scraping against the floor. I caught my fall with my palms, bloodying them, before my face could touch the floor.

As soon as I winced in pain I felt two hands at my side, pulling me to my feet. The hands were warm, and I would recognize them anywhere. How strange, the feeling was. The feeling of security, and yet I felt strange butterflies in my stomach.

"Are you okay?" Jasper asked with anxiety heavy in his voice.

"I'm fine," I tried to assure him as he set me on my feet.

"Are you sure?" He looked me over. "Your palms are bleeding." He ran off to get a first aid kit before I could protest.

Another strange thing. How many were there?

It had been two years since I had requested first aide for such a small injury. I had become accustomed to attempting to only use bandages and antibacterial when absolutely necessary, such as when I gouged open my leg falling out of a tree two months ago, or when my arm got cut on broken glass when I was jumping out of a window on a "sneak" (the gash went from shoulder to elbow, but was luckily shallow). Bandages were always in demand here, between Arthur's clumsiness—for which I insisted on a bandage for every scrape—and my "accidents" such as how I cut my knee open on a sharp rock in the creek last month.

I wasn't sure how I felt about being treated as fragile. I had felt fragile, especially recently, but I'd never _been _fragile. I always was the one bandaging other's wounds, even before the epidemic. Yes, I was a klutz, and yes, I was prone to accidents, but I was still here. I had scars (many of them) but I had never broken, no matter how many times I'd fallen. So, to be treated fragile, it seemed strange.

"What's wrong? You look like you're trying to assess a problem." Jasper laughed as he walked back up to me and started cleaning the scrapes.

"It's been a long time since I've treated like a porcelain doll. I'm trying to decide if I like it." He laughed again.

"I know that you're tough, hell, you'd have to be to live out here. I just don't want to risk anything." His eyes scanned over the walls.

"Hey! No making fun of our home!"

"_Our _home." He sounded wary, which confused me. I tried to understand, but he was still stroking the hand he had just finished bandaging, and it was making my head spin.

"Yes, why? Don't you plan on staying here?" I couldn't keep the appall out of my tone, or, as I presumed, my expression.

"Of course I do. It's just that I realized, we're _living together_." His voice was full of implications that made us both laugh nervously.

"Speaking of us," my voice shook dangerously, "I was wondering…"

"Yes," he pushed me on.

"Wondering, if, are we like, dating or something? Or, are we still just-" Jasper stopped me abruptly, cutting me off.

"Let me get this straight." He looked me intensely in the eyes. "We told each other that we love each other, and you're asking where we stand?" I shook my head yes. He dropped his hand to his side and waited for me to explain.

"I just didn't want to assume anything, and-" He smiled at me gently and silenced me again, before I could go into a full rant.

This time he silenced me with his lips.

This was one of the parts of our still undefined relationship that I didn't find strange. The feelings that followed our kisses were strange, but definitely not the kiss itself. The kiss was natural, growing with every moment.

Soon our lips were not the only part joined, our bodies twined around each other, it was hard to tell what parts of our body belonged to me. It felt natural, but new, when I felt his tongue trace my lower lip. I had no clue how to react, or so I thought, but my body did.

I would claim that I had a part in it, but that would be a lie, it was all my body acting on its own.

My body's heart sped up to a higher speed than I thought was humanly possible, which fit. I felt more human than I had ever felt. Throughout my life I had always felt more like a spirit watching from outside, always a key detail to the plan, but never _part _of the plan.

I definitely felt like I was a part of this, or at least that my body was.

My body twined my fingers into his hair, pressing his mouth against mine in a greater force. My body pressed my tongue against his, letting it guide my body into more new things.

His reaction startled me.

He pulled out of the kiss, keeping me in his arms, the ones he had wrapped around my waist. My heart sunk, had I done something wrong? That had to be it. I had no clue what I was doing, everything was new for me.

"Does that answer your question?" he asked, nearly as breathless as me. I must have looked confused, because I was.

I already knew that he liked to kiss me; I already knew that he loved me. He hadn't answered my question. I still had no clue where that left us.

"I guess not…" he mused aloud. I almost couldn't bear the silence as he searched for the correct words. "Yes, I guess we're dating, in a way."—he laughed—"That's why I kissed you, I'm not really sure how to describe us either. In a normal world, the way things used to be, I would say you're my girlfriend. Things are messed up now though,but I guess the same principle still applies. I assumed that a kiss said more than words could."

"Your kisses do, they tell me how much you care about me."

"Love you," he corrected automatically, a reflex that made us both smile. "Shouldn't it feel like we're moving a little too fast?" He mused.

"Too fast?" I thought it over, he had a point. How long had we even known each other? About a month. Wow, _huh_. Only a month. That made my head spin slightly.

He ignored my confused state and continued to voice his thoughts aloud. "It just feels as though it should feel too fast. But it doesn't."

"It doesn't?" I asked.

"Not to me. But I do worry about rushing you, about pushing you," he said, grabbing my hand into his and bringing it up to caress his cheek.

"Don't worry about me." I begged, leaning my face in closer to his so that I could smell his warm breath; it reminded me of the smell of a campfire.

"How can I not? I don't want to screw this up Elle. I know that you're still shaken up after what happened with Simon and Louis." Jasper spoke the names as though they were forbidden, the most grotesque of swear words.

"You're not them, you would never hurt me." The conviction I spoke with did not surprise me. "From that first moment I looked into your eyes I knew that." He smiled, and kissed my forehead. I thought he was going to kiss my lips next, but he lowered his lips to my throat.

The river of kisses flowed down my neck, across my collar bone. He never once touched or kissed me in an inappropriate way, his hands remaining on the back of my neck and my hips, his lips not exploring past my neck and shoulders. I wondered how I would react if that was not so.

Jasper kissed me lightly on the lips and cradled me in his arms. Jasper would never touch me in a way I wouldn't feel comfortable. There would be a time, when those touches would be pure pleasure, just not now. I loved Jasper and he loved me, and although there was a great physical attraction I was emotionally attached to him significantly beyond physicality.

"Elle, you need to tell me if I ever make you feel uncomfortable." Jasper's voice was barely above a whisper, pain lacing his words.

"I'm not sure it's possible for that to ever happen." I lightly laughed, trying to ease his unnecessary worries.

"When was your first kiss?" It was a sudden question, one that embarrassed me.

"Last night. You were my first real kiss." My voice was so unsteady, far too shy for my liking. Jasper went still for a moment, and he wrestled with several emotions I couldn't quite read.

"Really? Is it odd that I'm glad?" His smile was dark, and he kept looking at the hand he was holding between us. He traced circles on my palm. "I was worried that one of _them _had kissed you."

I knew exactly who he was talking about by the tone in his voice. I bit my lip, trying to distract myself from what I was going to say.

"You were the first kiss that mattered." He processed that.

Before long I was prying myself away from his arms, I needed to tell my friends what had happened. Jasper looked as though he wasn't going to let me leave at first, but then he said he needed to talk to his brothers. I wondered idly if Cindy and Lin were soon going to have boyfriends also.


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: I really hope you like this chapter. Please R&R. Seriously, even if you're just telling me about a typo or grammatical error. I love feedback of all kinds. This chapter is a bit shorter, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.**

**Also, I had written most of this before I began posting, so from now on I won't be posting every week. I will be posting biweekly, I promise. From now on I will be most likely updating in half-chapters.**

"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on." - Robert Bloch

**Chapter Nine:**

**Sometimes I wondered how I did it too**

I walked into the kitchen to find them cooking some burritos over the propane stove. By the size of each burrito I could tell exactly which set were for the boys and which set was for the children and us. They both were getting on each other's nerve, I could tell because they were laughing sarcastically instead of humorously. By the expression on Cindy's face my interruption would have been too late if only I had walked in a few moments later.

"We are officially dating, although we both decided that we have something a little more…..committed." Committed seemed like an appropriate word, although it left out so many things. Commitment did not include the butterflies I felt in my stomach, or the longing I felt to be near him. "First, you have to explain _everything_." Cindy told me sternly.

I gave them nearly every detail, attempting to use Jasper's exact words when I could recall them. They both listened intently, living vicariously through my romance. When I told them my reactions they usually laughed at my silliness and blindness.

"I wish I was that sure about were Ian and I stand." Lin sighed. I nearly laughed aloud, was it possible that someone in our trio had worse vision than me?

"You should be, Ian _really _cares you. I'm positive if you approach him then Ian will assure you that you two are also in a committed relationship." I was more than positive; there was no doubt in my mind.

Ian had this knack of watching Lin while her face was turned away. Keeping and eye out for her and protecting her nonchalantly. I had seen Ian carry Lin to bed many times, kissing her forehead as he laid her on the sheets. Ian cared for Lin just as deeply as Jasper cared for me, Ian simply was more subtle. Ian seemed to have infinite patience. Lin had been forced to make the first move because Ian was prepared to wait until she came to him. Now Lin would have to make the second move also.

"What about Aidan and me? The man still hasn't kissed me!" Cindy was groaning in a rather hilarious way and I couldn't help but stifle a laugh. As she threw her shoe at me I could practically see the light bulb start to glow from atop her head. "We should play strip poker tonight!"

"No!" Lin and I yelled at the top of our lungs. The thought of stripping down in front of all the guys was in no way appealing.

"Come on, we used to play all the time! Strip poker is so fun!" Cindy was begging for us to budge, we were fighting her with every bone of our body.

"Strip poker? I'm in." Aidan laughed as he walked into the kitchen. Lin and I both blushed from ear to ear. Cindy hit Aidan on the arm.

"I wasn't talking about you guys. Lin, Elle, and I used to play all the time." That would be fine, if we played in the meeting room there was no chance we would be caught unclothed.

"I figured, plus isn't it a little early in the relationship for you to be taking off your clothes in front of me?" he asked Cindy with a chuckle. He was right, it was too early for Aidan or any of the guys to see us unclothed in any way.

Cindy was not speechless often; she seemed to always have response or comment to throw into the conversation. I had rarely ever witnessed her wait for a person to finish their statement before she formed an opinion on both them and the topic. Cindy was standing in front of Aidan without words, something both startling and touching to me in strange ways. Lin noticed her silence also, and would have spoken up if Aidan had not beaten her to the punch.

"If I said something stupid then know I didn't mean it. I'm kind of an ass sometimes." He apologized even though it was unnecessary. We all knew that although he often came across has a hormone driven idiot, he truly wasn't.

"Relationship?" Aidan misinterpreted her wary question, her strangely apprehensive expression.

"I'm an idiot. Cindy what I meant was…" He was at a loss for words. The hope I knew Cindy had been holding was quickly fading.

"No relationship," she finished for him. She was twisting the ring her mother gave her on her thirteenth birthday around her finger, a nervous habit. "That's fine." Her voice, breaking twice, did not match her words. It was atypical for Cindy to react this way: without confidence.

"Crap, that's not what I meant either." Aidan had taken her hand now, but she shook it off. "Cindy, don't be like that. Can we talk alone?" Even in as foul of a mood as she was, and especially with her confidence falling, I knew her answer.

"We can talk right here." Aidan quickly glanced at Lin and me. "I'll just tell them everything anyway, might as well save me repeats." In truth she wanted support in case this went sour, an audience in case the situation turned around.

"Fine, Cindy. Yes, a relationship. If you're not ready for that then we'll manage, but…" Her lips were on his, silencing his nervous words. I looked away to give them privacy during their passionate embrace.

I knew when they had pulled away because of the noiseless tension that filled the room, followed by a self-conscious laugh. I turned back to them; they were stepping away from each other. Cindy was scarlet, but her nearly-cocky confidence had returned as quickly as it had gone.

"We need to bring everyone dinner," I reminded them, because it looked like they were going to break into another kiss.

They looked at me and sighed, each grabbing a few plates of burritos and walking into the main room where everyone else was. Lin and I followed them in, carrying plates ourselves.

When we walked into the large elliptical main room I saw that Jasper and Ian were whispering heatedly while Katie and Arthur were enthralled in a game of Chinese checkers. Emma ran towards us and quickly attached herself to Aidan's leg. He laughed quietly, and after handing a quesadilla to Arthur and Katie and setting his own meal down, he threw Emma over his shoulder while she shrieked in joy.

I sat down next to Jasper and handed him a plate, also setting one aside for Emma next to us. As the burritos soon disappeared we became boisterous, as though we had each drank a gallon of coffee or a liter of soda. It was a rather fun evening, we played charades and watched the guys—including Arthur—arm wrestle.

But as it became later and later I knew that the evening must end eventually, and figured it might as well end now. I couldn't be sure what time it was, but I figured it was shortly after eleven. Seeing as Emma had already expired into Aidan's lap, I decided that it would be an intelligent move to put the kids in bed.

"Okay, time for sleep the two of you." I announced, wrapping my arms around Katie and Arthur.

"Why should we go to bed when you guys are going to stay up?" Katie yelled the words at me, and something in her tone made me defensive.

"First of all, you will go to bed when you are told. Second, we're older than you. Third, don't talk to me like that!" I scolded loudly, trying hard not to yell.

"Stop trying to be my parent!" she spat before storming off to bed.

Arthur followed her lead and left for bed too. I simply stared after Katie in horror, until then I had never seen how much she resented me. The revelation was painful; all I had ever done was try to keep her safe and _happy_. I felt like a failure.

I grabbed Emma from Aidan's lap and stalked off to my room with her, horrified that I had failed Katie so thoroughly. It wasn't until I heard a soft knock on my door that I realized I was laying _on top of _the comforter. I quietly stood up and pulled back my curtain.

I had been expecting Jasper, but I instead found Arthur standing in my doorway. He looked so young in the dark light, the way a thirteen year old boy should look. His hair was more curly than mine, and hung in tight ringlets around his face. Sometimes, when I was bored, I would pull them and watch them bounce like springs. He hated people touching his hair, but when you have curls you become accustomed to random people messing with your hair, I knew from experience.

"Elle, can I come in?" he asked quietly. It wasn't like him to be quiet, everything about him was usually loud, or at least when he spoke. He could go hours without saying a word, but once he started talking it was hard to make him stop, and the questions he asked always left your head spinning.

"Sure, everything okay?"

"Not really, Katie's just absolutely driving me insane." He laid back on my bed next to Emma and folded his arms behind his head. "I wonder if I could make her head explode if I bugged her enough."

"Arthur, can you please not make her any more mad?" I sighed.

"I don't get what her problem is. You guys are doing the best you can, and now that the guys are here things are awesome," he praised. "They are staying, right?"

"Of course," I answered reflexively.

"Good, I like them. It's nice not to be the only guy here. You know, we were pretty lucky, actually we were weirdly lucky to find them. What are the odds of coming across three brothers the same age as three sisters?" Slim, the odds were very slim. "Plus, they're nice too, way better than the last guys that were here. You guys all kinda paired off, it's pretty funny."

It was funny, and completely unrealistic, yet it had happened. By some miracle, and some slim chance, it had happened. Things were the best they had ever been since the disease hit, and it almost made me worry. It was almost too unrealistic, there had to be something I was missing. There was something to balance everything out, I was terrified what it might be. Or, maybe the guys were the balance. Maybe they were meant to balance out all the pain, al, the loneliness, that we had endured. I liked that thought, they were our reward for surviving.

"You should go to bed," I told him.

"I know, but can I just stay here until she's asleep? If I have to hear her complain any more I may do something you'll get mad at me for." I sighed, but agreed. I really didn't want more problems, and Arthur had a bit of a temper sometimes.

"We should probably rework the room arrangements anyway, you guys are getting too old to share a room." I rubbed my temples.

"I could move in with one of the guys, Katie would like having a room to herself. But, I don't think it would be a good idea to ask Cindy and Lin to share, that turned out bad last time." That was abrupt of an understatement, the girls had practically killed each other.

"I think it would be bad to ask Ian and Aidan to share too, they might tear the house apart if left alone too long."

"You can always share a room with Jasper," he casually suggested. I dropped my hands from my head and looked at him with shock.

"I don't think that would be appropriate," I breathed.

"Why not? Come on, you guys are like the mom and dad of this family, and parents usually share rooms." Well, at least he didn't say anything about sex. It wasn't as though he was completely naive, we made him and Katie each read body books when they hit puberty, but in a sense we were all naive about sex because we'd been so young when we left.

"It would be inappropriate, we're not married like most parents, plus we aren't actually your parents."

"I know that, it was just a suggestion." He stood up to leave, and turned back to me. "I'm going to go take a quick night hike."

"I should come with you. I don't think it's safe for you to go alone."

"I've taken them before, I'll be fine. You need to sleep." I nodded and he started to walk out, but he stopped in the doorway and turned to look at me. "Have you ever thought about moving and finding a new place to live, or maybe looking for the other immunes?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, because there have to be more of us out there, and because they could always come back," he said.

"They?" I asked in confusion.

"Simon and Louis, they know where we live, they know we don't normally do guard duty here, they know a lot about us. They might come back." He must have caught the darkness in my eyes, because then he said, "But don't worry. This time we won't fall for their tricks, and this time I'll help too."

"Arthur, if they show up you need to take Emma and Katie and take them to the cabin. We never told them about it, you'll be safe there." I was panicking slightly, I could see it in his eyes that Arthur understood more about what happened then we had told him. He was trying to be protective.

"No, you're only three years older than me, and I turn fourteen in a few weeks. You girls may be able to handle yourselves in a fight, especially when you outnumber them, but I want to help." I went to interrupt him, but he continued, "You're pretty tough, but they scare you. I'm old enough to help protect our home."

"You're also old enough to understand that Katie and Emma need to be protected most, and I'm trusting you to do that." They couldn't be left alone if Simon and Louis showed up, and I doubted any of the other guys would be willing to leave the immediate fight.

"Fine." He walked out in a huff, leaving me sitting there in the dark.

I knew they could come back, but I'd never really given it much thought. I had always thought that they would stay away, or hoped that they had bled out from the shots in their legs. How could I not think about it? How could I not prepare for it, when they'd been haunting my nightmares for...how long had it been? Three months, four? We upped the guards when we traveled, and we never went off alone for more than a few hours, but that was mostly because we were afraid that we might run across more bad seed immunes.

I picked up Emma and walked down the hall with her until I was in front of Jasper's room. It took me a minute to build up the courage, and after deciding that he was probably asleep I chose not to knock. I carefully pushed the curtain that acted as a door aside and walked in.

He had the mattress pulled against the wall, and was sleeping on his back with the covers spewed out around him. His face had this look of peaceful innocence that I wanted to wrap myself in. I laid Emma next to him and pulled a blanket over her. I was thankful that she was a rather heavy sleeper for her age. Silently I kissed the tip of her nose and left, whispering thanks to Jasper. I had some thinking to do, and I couldn't leave Emma alone.

I took a knife and a gun with me, but that was it. I had changed out of my nightgown and was in a pair of tattered jeans and a long-sleeved black shirt. The night was so lovely and peaceful, and the stars were bright in the clear sky. I wash' exactly sure where I was going, or how long I would be gone, but I needed some air. I probably should have left a note.

I knew I wouldn't run across Arthur, he always hiked up the mountain. I chose to go down near the river where was an old bridge. It was concrete and showing its unused state. No one came to the mountain anymore so no one used the bridge anymore. It was as simple as that.

I wasn't really sure why I was here, but it felt right, and I could see the stars. I knew what the stars were, I'd learned about it in school long ago and read about it in books we stole. Yet, I felt like they were something more. I hoped that they were helpful, something that could listen and offer guidance. I was raised to believe in God, but I'd lost faith long ago. The stars seemed more tangible.

Perhaps I'd start a new religion, Star Worship. People used to wish on the stars all the time, why not pray to them as well? They were just as likely to help as some man in the heavens; at least you could see the stars.

"Star light, star bright, the many stars I see tonight, hear my words and hear my plights. I wish tonight upon the stars so bright, that you will help me on this dark night," I whispered, reworking something I remembered from my childhood wishes.

"I don't think that's going to work. Stars never really talk back," someone said from behind me.

I jumped up and within a second I had the gun pointed at his head. It was Aidan, his hands up in shock. Obviously he hadn't expected me to pull a gun on him, but in my defense I hadn't realized it was him.

"Aidan, what are you doing here?" I asked breathlessly.

"I saw you leaving, so I followed you. Can you please put the gun down?" I lowered the weapon and sat back down.

"Go back to the mine, I'm fine," I told him.

"Is there a reason you're down at the river late at night? It's like an hour hike down here in the dark." Aidan sat down beside me and laid back against the ground.

"I needed some air," I answered.

"Sure, and my middle name is Gullible."

"Arthur just mentioned something that I needed to think about before I brought it up with anyone else," I told him, suspecting that he wouldn't let it go until I explained everything. "I'm trying to figure out whether or not it would be a good idea to leave here."

"Leave? As in with Jasper, or alone? Both are extremely bad ideas, but the idea of leaving alone is probably one of the only stupid things I've ever heard you say." I turned to him quickly I'm shock.

"That would be stupid, Jasper and I are together," I started to explain, but he cut me off.

"Well, leaving just the two of you would be ridiculous too," he tried to convince me unnecessarily.

"I'm talking about everyone. There are other immunes out there, maybe we should be trying to find them. Or, maybe it's not the smartest to be living somewhere that two bad guys know about and might show up any day." I sighed and dipped my feet into the water. I sounded cowardly, and that bothered me.

"You're making things too complicated, just like how you always make unnecessary backup plans. The answer's simple, we look for the other immunes, because you're right we should do that, and we keep our home. I finally have a home, after almost three years of drifting, and two horny pricks aren't going to fuck that up for me," he picked up a rock and threw it in the river with a splat. "Plus, you can't honestly be worried about two guys when you've got three to protect you and your two other friends, keeping in mind the fact that you all know how to protect yourselves quite well."

"You make it all sound so simple," I laughed humorlessly.

"It is simple, like two plus two."

"Well, I'm glad you think so." I laughed again, this time actually feeling a smile creep across my face.

"I do, and I also think that you should have talked to Jasper about this instead of walking two hours in the middle of the night." He stood up and offered me a hand, I accepted and we started walking back up to the mine. "If he wakes up before we get back he's going to give himself an ulcer."

"You're ridiculous, he knows I can take care of myself." Jasper was protective, but we went through this last time I went off by myself, he knew it was just something I needed to do every now and then. Didn't he?

"Elle, you worry about everyone else. If one of the other girls had gone off by themselves in the middle of the night, you would have lectured them about being unsafe. Personally, I think you can take care of yourself with most things, but if Simon and Louis were to actually show up, that would be two against one. That's bad odds even if you weren't half their height." I never realized how much Aidan talked, well that's somewhat of a lie, but I definitely hadn't realized he talked this much.

"Your point? I needed to think, and it would have been rude to wake anyone up."

"My point is that Mom and Dad are supposed to talk things out."

"Does anyone but Jasper and I realize that we've hardly been together a day?"

Magically I became a mom a long time ago, in a way, and magically everything had changed. Things used to take time to change, people used to adjust. Now, things could be different in one instance, and you had no time to adjust, just time to react. I was still bad at that, but this change was so good and so welcomed that it didn't even feel like a change at all.

Aidan shrugged, "No one else actually cares."

We both laughed. _Life is simply complicated._

"So, what brought all of this up anyway?" Aidan asked.

"A comment Arthur made. We were talking about maybe making some room changes, and then suddenly we got off on a tangent and..."I sighed, unable to really explain it. His comment had sort of come from left field.

"Dude, if you're thinking about having everyone change rooms, I totally vote we put Cindy and Lin in the same room. That war would be the funniest thing ever!"

"Sorry, but no. Last time we tried that they literally almost destroyed the mine. I was thinking more along the lines of Cindy moving in with me, putting Katie and Emma in her room, and having Arthur room with one of you guys. Katie and him are too old to be sharing a room." My decision seemed reasonable, no volatile pairs or awkward situations.

"Or you could move in with Jasper, and Arthur could take your room. Emma just sleeps with whoever she wants anyway," he suggested. I couldn't tell if he was actually being serious or not.

"Did you miss the part where I explained that we've only been together for a day?" I asked skeptically.

"You seem to think that matters."

"Fine, why don't we all just couple up, give Arthur his own room, and put Katie together with Emma. We'll even have a spare room!" I hissed.

"Could we, do you think the other girls will go for it? That'd be awesome." He was completely unabashed by my sarcasm.

"Aidan, you're an idiot. It would be completely inappropriate." I sighed in exasperation. Aidan really was like a stubborn sibling.

"Why, all we'd be doing is sleeping next to each other. Gosh Elle, get your mind out of the gutter! You've only been with Jasper for like, a day, I didn't think you were that type of girl. I'm completely shocked." He teased me with a smile and I hit him on the arm.

"Seriously, it would be a bad idea. Plus, Jasper would never agree to it. Neither would the girls." I thought back on Jasper's comment in the kitchen about us living together.

"Cindy would go for it, I'm sure. Lin might not though, and Ian would never ask unless he was positive she'd say yes." He probably was right, it amazed me that he already knew them so well. It seemed second nature for me to know how they'd react, but for him it was just quick learning. "You don't know Jasper very well."

"Excuse me?" I was more than a bit offended.

"You always seems to think he's gong to react differently than he actually would. Then you go do things that worry him without even realizing it." Suddenly he was being serious. I preferred his usual humor.

"I do know him well!" I began to walk faster in sheer indignation.

"Fine, then you just don't care how your actions affect him."

"Of course I do, how could you ever think that?"

"Well, for one because you're here right now and not with him. For two, do you honestly think he wouldn't want to share a room with you?" Aidan eased his tone back a bit, so I no longer felt as defensive.

"I was basing that off of a comment he made earlier, not making an assumption." Even though Aidan was easy to talk to, this conversation felt as though it could quickly become a thing of gossip. Aidan was bad at keeping his mouth shut.

"Well, then he's just being stupid."

"I don't think it would be a good idea anyway. It is a bit inappropriate." There were implications that came with sharing a room, a bed, every night. I wasn't prepared for that kind of step forward.

"Once again, your mind is in the gutter," he laughed.

"You're rather annoying," I countered.

"I'm serious! Can't we at least talk with the others about it?" He even made a puppy dog face.

"I guess we can toss the idea around," I conceded.

I laid down fully clothed without fetching Emma. She'd be fine with Jasper, so I didn't want to risk waking her. Plus, if Jasper woke up I'd lose my preparation. I was planning my discussion with Jasper in my head with full knowledge that my plan would probably go out the window the moment I opened my mouth.

I quickly fell into a nightmare filled sleep. Faces and darkness painted my dreams, no doubt causing me to toss and turn. Perhaps I even cried out as I ran across fields that burned the soles of my feet. Maybe I screamed aloud as Simon caught me in a smoking forest or perhaps as I could feel his golden hair fall across my skin or even as his storming eyes cut through me...

Or maybe I didn't. Maybe I just laid there in silence as my mind closed in on itself in fear.

Either way, when my eyes shot open there was moonlight shining in from the sunroof into my room. Jasper was standing in front of my bed with Emma in his arms. He smiled at me once he noticed I had awoken and laid her next to me.

"The little rascal snuck into my room, she must have had a nightmare or something. I'm surprised you didn't notice she was gone," he teased with a smile. "Sorry I woke you up, I didn't mean to."

I pulled his leaning form down and buried myself in his chest to chase away the terror from my thoughts. I could hardly remember my dreams, but they left me frightened. Jasper was the quickest remedy for any fear I had; his smell, his touch, they comforted me.

"Emma didn't sneak in your room, I put her in there." He sat next to me and waited impatiently for me to explain. "Arthur said a few things to me that I needed to think through."

"Like what?"

"Well, he asked me about leaving here. See, he was wondering if Simon and Louis would ever come back; they know where we live, they know how we live. They could just show up one day. He brought up another good point too, there are other immunes out there, maybe we should be trying to find them..." I tried to explain, but my voice trailed off in thought.

He nodded and pulled my hand up to his lips so that he could kiss my knuckles.

"If you want to find others, we can. As for the worries about those two showing up, I don't think they will. You guys shot them, if they didn't bleed out then they've definitely learned their lesson." He kissed my knuckles again and I cupped my hand around his cheek. I could feel stubble growing. "You could have woken me up," he said in slight frustration.

"I just needed to get away for a minute, I was...suffocating." There was no real way to explain it.

"Please, next time just talk to me," he pleaded. "I love you."

"I didn't want to disturb you," I felt guilty. Perhaps Aidan was right and knew very little about Jasper's desires.

"It disturbs me more to know that you were in the woods at night, alone and upset." He sighed in frustration. "What if something had happened to you?"

"Nothing was going to happen to me. I've gone on plenty of night hikes before," I ran my fingers through his hair, but he wouldn't look at me.

"Elle, just promise me that you'll come to me next time. I know you're used to trying to handle things alone so that you don't bug the other girls, but you don't have to worry about that anymore. Remember what you said that night I fell asleep in you bed?" I thought back to that night, smiling at the memory.

"You guys give us someone to lean on." I kissed him lightly. "I promise I'll try to rely on you from now on. It may just take some time."

"I have all the time in the world to wait," he agreed, kissing me.

"In the morning I want to take you somewhere. Actually, we should all go," I said, making a sudden decision. The idea of sharing another important secret with him, with them, made me joyous.

"Where?" he smiled.

"It's a surprise," I teased.

"Well, then we should both go to sleep quickly so I can find out." He kissed the top of my head and started to leave my room. I almost asked him to stay, but thought it odd and let him go. I could handle nightmares all on my own. I knew I'd promised to lean on him, but I couldn't let Jasper turn me weak.

There were no nightmares though, just the blackness of sleep.


	11. Chapter 10 part 1 (of 2)

**A/N: Any ideas for couple names for Jasper/Elle, Aidan/Cindy, and Ian/Lin? Also, someone commented that they wanted this to become a lemon. I'm not really sure how comfortable I feel with that idea, mostly because would have to write a lemon that means...also just because of who the characters are, I'm just not really sure it would work. Maybe, if there is a great demand, I will do alternate scenes that include lemons for scenes where they would actually occur. As in, for scenes where I just brush over it in the in story.**

"The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation."—Bertrand Russell

"You know that children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers."-John J. Plomp

**Chapter 10**

**Really? You've got to be joking, can't they just go away?**

"Wait, what is this place?" Ian asked for the third time. Once again I ignored him. I'd already explained it to him; it was my grandfather's house.

The inside of the house was filled with old furniture and dusty hunting trophies, we'd long ago cleared out the essentials. It was the garage, one of a few, that I wanted to show the guys. It felt nice to be revealing the last of our secrets to them.

"Damn, does it run?" Aidan asked when we opened the door.

There was an old Jeep Wrangler sitting in the garage looking dusty. We'd been tinkering with it since we first moved to the mine, well Cindy'd been tinkering with it. I knew absolutely nothing about cars no matter how many times Cindy had tried to teach me. Somehow it always just went in one ear and out the other.

"You bet it does. We've taken it out a couple of times, but the thing is a gas guzzler. No one ever comes up on these mountain roads, and we do a lot of off-roading with it, but we don't want to accidentally attract attention." Lin answered.

"Did you guys fix it up?" Ian looked at the Jeep speculatively.

"Of course, I know my way around an engine," Cindy smiled.

"That's my girl," Aidan wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the back of her head.

"Why are we just hearing about this now?" Ian huffed. Jasper hit his arm, which was good because if he hadn't I would have. Lin looked guilty for not telling him earlier and that bothered me.

"Don't be a prick, they can't tell us everything at once," Jasper scolded. It was a good thing he understood. It wasn't like we were specifically hiding anything from them, other than the meeting room, we just hadn't gotten around to it yet.

"I'm not being a prick, I'm just curious what else we don't know." Ian's defense sounded bitter.

"We're not keeping secrets," I responded firmly. Obviously Ian didn't pick up on my tone.

"Really?" he asked with sarcasm oozing from his mouth.

"Nope, secretly we've been hiding immunes in the other garage. We thought it was better to wait until now to tell you," Arthur joined in to say. Katie and Emma had decided to stay back home but Arthur had opted to tag along.

Ian simply huffed and went to go look around the other room of the garage. He could be so moody sometimes. Lin followed, probably so she could try and lift his mood.

"If he snaps at her I'll kill him," Cindy warned the room.

"He won't," Aidan assured her with a kiss on the forehead.

Aidan was so openly affectionate with her, I found it adorable. Jasper and I were more subtle with our relationship. He held my hand while we walked. However, he usually maintained a level of personal space. I quite frequently ignored that to lean against his arm or stand close. It never seemed to bother him.

"This is something we need your help with," I pointed to an old broken radio on the one workbench. "We've tried fixing it, but we don't know how."

If the radio worked we could try and use it to communicate with other immunes. Maybe we could follow news too, we were pretty cut off from the world.

"Sure, anything else?" Jasper picked up the radio and started examining it as Aidan searched drawers for some tools.

"I don't think so, but it wouldn't be a bad idea for you guys to take a look through the house. There may be something you guys see in there that we never thought about," I told him. He nodded in response, still examining the radio.

"Aidan and I can take a look," Ian offered when he walked back in the room. He'd obviously caught my last statement.

"Sounds good," I smiled at him. He seemed to be in a better mood.

The brothers left the garage.

Lin and Cindy popped the hood to the Jeep and started tinkering with the engine. I was useless to them and even more useless to Jasper so I just headed to the other room of the garage. My grandpa kept everything needed to reload ammunition in there; that was something I did now how to do. We had plenty of bullets at the mine, but I wanted to feel productive.

While I was in the middle of measuring out some gunpowder I heard Ian and Aidan walk back in the garage. They'd been gone nearly an hour and I was curious if they'd found anything interesting.

"Elle, come here," Jasper called from the other room.

When I walked in the guys all looked tense. Lin and Cindy had the same expressions on their faces, ones of confusion. I could tell that Ian and Aidan had found something bad. The only question was how bad.

"Now, don't freak out," Aidan began before Cindy interrupted.

"Just spill it already," she impatiently demanded.

"Did you guys show this place to Simon and Louis?" Ian asked.

"No, why?" Lin asked in response. She was holding his hand.

Jasper placed a hand at the small of my back and began to explain, "Ian and Aidan found some bloody towels and stuff at the house. The door looked like it'd been smashed in. The stuff was months old, it must've been from when you guys shot Simon and Louis. They must've cleaned up at the house."

"Arthur, go back to the mine. Take the radio with you." I pulled the pistol from my hip and handed it to him.

"Okay, should I tell Katie?" he asked, taking the gun.

"Yeah, it's not a big deal. They're long gone, I just don't want you to see all the blood. Even if it'd old and dried up I'd rather you not see that." I'd rather not see it either. If I could get the others to leave I would, they shouldn't have to see it.

Arthur grabbed the radio and headed out. The mine was only ten minutes down the hill, a straight shot. He'd be fine as long as he didn't trip or come across a bear, hence the reason I handed him the gun. It was on safety and he knew how to handle it, I wasn't worried by handing it to him.

As soon as he was gone I turned to the others.

"Cindy, Lin, you guys can go too," I told them. Cindy straightened up and squeezed my hand.

"No way in hell. Nothing would make me happier than to stumble across their dead bodies." Her voice was full of strength.

"They're long gone," Aidan told her repeating my earlier words.

"Still, we want to see it," I answered.

I led the way to the house. My grandfather had built it on the side of the hill a long time ago. It was wood and its two stories blended into the forest. If you looked out from a second floor window you could see the whole valley in all it's shades of green and yellow. From the deck you could see the chicken coup, long empty, and the boulder pile hiding tiny scorpions the chickens used to chase.

I could see where they'd broken into. They'd smashed down the front door, too stupid to realize the back was unlocked. There was old drops of blood on the floor, long dried with dust building atop. Blood stained parts of the beige carpet.

This house always felt like a hunting lodge to me. It had stone accents and antler-adorned decorations. Hunting trophies made by my grandfather's favorite taxidermist out of Willits hung on nearly every surface of the walls; deer, pheasant, boar, even a bear hung there. My grandfather was a sportsman, or so he said. I never saw much sport in shooting a deer.

The kitchen was disgusting. Bloodied towels laid across the counters and floors. They tried to stitch the wounds. There was a sewing kit, probably my grandmother's, strewn out across the stovetop. I hoped they forgot to clean the needle and died of an infection. It wasn't like me to wish someone I'll, but I figured they were an exception. For all I cared they could be rotting in hell right now.

"They always were slobs," Lin joked half-heatedly.

"I can tell by the wonderful way they cleaned up here," Aidan smiled.

"Well, at least we know they suffered a bit. That's some consolation," Cindy agreed.

I gathered up the bloodied towels before anyone could ask what I was doing and threw them in the trash under the sink. The water was connected to a well we kept up, so it still ran just fine here and at an outdoor faucet not far from the mine. I pulled a clean towel from a drawer, wet it, and began cleaning up the long-dried blood.

"Elle, just leave it," Lin instructed. I ignored her.

I refused to let their blood sully my grandfather's home. I wouldn't let them ruin anything else for me. The only memories I wanted in that house were memories of family and happiness.

"I'm going back home," Cindy said before leaving with Aidan. It was good she was leaving, she was close to cracking open for all to see.

Lin wasn't doing much better. She shot them, she drew this blood. I could tell it bothered her. I wasn't long before she left with Ian too. It was fine, I could do it myself. The house needed to be cleaned. I could handle it.

"Elle, let me help you," Jasper tried to grab a towel from my hand. I let him and continued cleaning until every trace of them had was gone from sight.

"Ugh, I feel disgusting. Will you go to the river with me so I can rinse off?" I asked, not thinking about anything beside washing every trace of this from my skin.

"Sure," he answered with a supportive smile. He'd probably do anything I asked of him if he thought it would help calm me down.

He was kind enough to give me some space as we walked to the river. We went to a spot that was only about an hour walk from the mine and spoke little during the hike down. When we did talk it was short questions or statements that I hardly registered.

When we finally reached to river I realized that I hadn't quite thought the whole thing through. I didn't have a bathing suit with me.

"Um, Jasper?"

"Yeah," he answered. I could tell how concerned he was for me even in that short reply.

"Do you think you could turn around or something?" I blushed.

"Sure, sure!" He stuttered ever so slightly, grasping my meaning.

Once he'd turned his back to me I quickly undressed and hopped in the river, leaving on my underwear so I wasn't completely naked. It felt nice to wash everything from my skin. All my problems, all my fears, just seemed to float down the river. That's how it always was though, the water always calmed me. Maybe that's why Jasper was such a comfort to me, his eyes were remnant of water.

As I broke from the trance I'd been under I suddenly felt guilty for the way I'd been acting. Just last night I promised Jasper I'd lean on him, but I'd already broken that promise twice now. I guess old habits were hard to break. I'd need to work harder.

"Jasper, thanks for coming with me." I wanted him to hear how truly grateful I was.

"It's no problem. Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, a million times better." I answered honestly.

"You worried me back there, you kind of just shut down." His voice was low, cautious.

"Sorry about that, I just wasn't really sure what I was supposed to feel. When things like that happen I typically just shut everything else out and take care of the task at hand." It kept me from breaking apart at the worst of moments if I could just tune out the fear and pain.

"Do you just want to wear my jacket? That way you don't have to put on your other clothes?" He asked, changing the subject. His offer was appealing, I didn't feel like putting back on the clothes I'd been in while washing their blood away the floor.

"I'll get it wet though, I didn't even think to bring a towel."

"I don't mind," I could hear the smile in his voice.

I slipped out of the water and walked over to him. He held out the jacket with his eyes still closed and his back still turned to me, still careful not to peek. As soon as I'd zipped up the thick material I had my arms around his waist. I pressed my cheek to his back before he could regain his composure and just breathed him in. It worked like a charm, nothing bad could touch me when I had him.

"It's just a jacket," he teased lightly.

I smiled into his back and let go.

"We should head back up, they're probably worried about us." I sighed audibly. He took my hand and kissed my forehead in the sweetest of ways. I wasn't ready to leave the calming river, but at least he'd be with me.

"I love you." Those words never got old, they seemed to be the answer to every problem and the reason for every good thing in my life. Whether I was saying them to him or the girls, love was everything.

"I love you too," he smiled as he squeezed my hand.


End file.
